The holiday season can bring up a lot!
For those without family or who are feeling isolated and alone, make sure that you do something nice for yourself; whatever that means to you. It can be extremely painful right now so any kindness you show yourself can go a long way.
For those who will be with families and are worried about family dynamics, refer to the last blog and start shifting the energy with forgiveness now. The other thing to do, is to set yourself up for success before you see family.
Steps to Success:
-Acknowledge that yes, your feelings are valid, AND your family may never be able to hear or see you in present time. They may be stuck in the past, but you don’t need to be. Don’t revert back to child or adolescent behaviors. Hear what thoughts and beliefs come up in your mind and change them in the now. Your family is not the boss of your reality creation, YOU ARE!
-Process your feelings and emotions when you're on your own, and give yourself what you need, versus expecting it to come externally from your family.
-Take your power back, especially if you tend to surrender it to your parents or other family members.
-Watch your expectations. Do not visualize worst-case scenarios. Choose what you want to see. Keep choosing to see peace or harmony. Don't let the part of your mind that goes negative rule the show. Create a positive outcome. You have the power of thought and the power of choice, never forget that!
-In that vein, acknowledge and release your negative ego before you walk in the door so that you don't fall into old patterns of victimhood or blame. Silence that negative voice and banish it to the outside. Release what you can of any shame, need to control, need for perfection, rage, self-pity, and martyr ahead of time.
-Boundaries are key. Don't surrender your energy to another; hold your energy around you. Put yourself in a protective energy bubble of gold or violet light. Emotionally, if someone asks you a question that you don't want to answer or that makes you uncomfortable, change the subject or say, “Why do you ask?” or “I prefer not to discuss that.” It’s OK to say “No,” literally or figuratively.
Immediately before seeing anyone:
-Ground yourself and get yourself in present time* and rooted into your body because family can spin you out. This is the best thing you can do to create an empowered experience.
-Remind yourself that you are safe. You, present time adult you, creates safety. Don’t give that power away externally. If it feels awful with family and truly isn’t a safe place, leave! You've got to remember your needs, especially if you're under any sort of duress. You have to take care of yourself and put that oxygen mask on first.
Now, that doesn’t give you an excuse to match their behavior and act badly. Release any righteousness or desire to punish. BE the adult.
-If you're getting triggered, leave the room. Excuse yourself and go breathe. If everyone else is melting down, you don't need to join. You're human so you may fall into old patterns of behavior; that's OK!! Forgive yourself and course correct.
And if you do all the above and it still goes sideways, try not to dive bomb. Sometimes energy and experiences shift immediately, and sometimes it takes time. Just keep doing your best to stay empowered in present time.
-Separate out energy! Give them back their energy and call yours back to you.
-Ground again. Whether you got triggered or not, get yourself back into your body in the now. Release any mental chatter. Imagine closing the door on all conversations from the night.
Be compassionate with yourself; it starts with you.
You got this!
Red words link to previous blogs.
*I updated this video from a prior blog; it's a specific tapping you can do that anchors you in present time.
Two other helpful blogs: Healing Your Nervous System and 12 Ways to Alleviate Anxiety and Panic
Never underestimate the power of forgiveness; it’s a powerhouse!
The topic of forgiveness has been coming up more and more in sessions recently. Even though I've written about it a lot, there's always more to learn, and it's always a good reminder if you've forgotten; especially with both the holidays fast approaching, and the state of the world right now.
Forgiveness creates freedom for yourself. You can do it for your situation. You can do it for anything that's causing you distress and upset. You can do it to release and transcend the issue at hand.
There's nothing too small, nor too big that doesn't benefit from forgiveness.
It can be a simple, “I forgive and release myself for why ever I’m in this situation. I forgive and release myself for why ever I'm experiencing it.”
Or using the Ho'oponopono; which I love. As a reminder, it’s four lines that you can use in any order:
I love you,
Please forgive me,
You can detail it such as, “I love you self. I'm so sorry this is causing upset. Please forgive me for why ever we’re experiencing it. Thank you.”
You can change up the lines as well: “I'm so sorry we're going through this. Please forgive me for why ever we’re allowing it in our reality. I love you so much self. Thank you for helping me release it.”
Or just say the words without details, while thinking of whatever it is that's causing you distress, but saying it to yourself. (Read my previous blog with more information)
Here's an example of personal forgiveness from my own reality:
Recently while healing from Covid, I was frustrated that it was lingering and that I kept testing positive. So, one night before bed, I started doing deep forgiveness work.
I started with, "I forgive myself for why ever I still have Covid in my space. I forgive myself for allowing it. I forgive myself for it continuing. I forgive myself for whatever I'm learning from it or haven't learned from it, that I'm still holding onto. I forgive myself for whatever benefit I'm getting from having Covid in my space. I forgive any negative payoffs I have regarding illness, or Covid itself. I forgive anywhere that it's getting me out of doing things. I forgive any old patterns of self-pity. I forgive whatever issues allowed me to be susceptible to it in the first place. I forgive Covid, and I forgive myself for getting it. I forgive and release anything and everything regarding Covid. I'm choosing radiant health instead.”
That’s a summary as I did a good 15 minutes of forgiving everything that came to mind. I meant it, I felt it, and I kept choosing wellness and healing. Lo and behold, the next morning I tested negative.
Now let me say, that I’ve been doing forgiveness work for years, so my response time is quick now. Don’t allow frustration if yours isn’t as fast as mine, keep at it.
Personal forgiveness can be used for any issue that’s negatively impacting you.
You can forgive yourself for anywhere that an old pattern is continuing, for holding onto a belief system, for still experiencing the world as unsafe. There’s no limit. At the end of forgiveness work, always add what you choose to see instead: peace, solutions, vitality, etc.
You have to be willing to take responsibility for, change, and release what no longer serves you.
I recognize that for some of you it may start as just words, however if you can get feeling behind the words and feel the energy in your heart, it will expand the forgiveness even deeper. Words start the process of self-compassion and a willingness to let yourself off the hook for any “mistakes,” but if it stays just words, it’ll only take you so far.
You’re not perfect, you won’t do life perfectly. We all make mistakes, it’s part of being human. Can you forgive yourself for them and move forward, or are you choosing to stay in self-punishment and self-blame instead? Only YOU can free yourself.
Even if you’re doing forgiveness work because someone else is upsetting you or negatively impacting your reality, start with you; free yourself first. You’re not doing the forgiveness work for the other person, you’re do it for you. Because you want to set yourself free from the trauma.
Sometimes our greatest nemeses are our greatest teachers, so forgive yourself for bringing them into your reality. For whatever part of you drew them in; especially if it’s family. That requires consistency; it’s not a one and done.
When you add forgiveness as a regular healing tool, be prepared for miracles to occur. Give yourself that gift of freedom.
(To learn more forgiveness tools and techniques, look at the "forgiveness" category to the right)
Me, Tina Germain, just sharing ways to make you the best you can be!