We talked about judgments and judging others two weeks ago, now how about healing self-judgment?
 
As a reminder, the problem with judgments, are that judgments separate.
 
Judgments separate you from the very thing you want. Judgments create a chasm, rather than a bridge.
 
I’m sure you’ve judged yourself; I sure have. I caught myself in the shower the other morning having the thoughts of, “Why did I do it that way? I knew better! I should’ve done it this other way.” Then fuming over my “mistake.”
 
That might be seemingly innocuous, but that self-judgment, that’s creating a rift between me and self-love. Its allowing a spiral of darker thoughts to enter. At its darkest, some of you may devolve into, “I’m so stupid. What’s wrong with me?” If you go to those thoughts, those words stem from deep shame. That shame needs to be addressed and released.
 
As I said two weeks ago, catching those thoughts is step one, and the quicker the better. You can’t change what you’re unaware of. When you catch them, say “cancel/clear” to delete the energy.
 
Since judgments separate, what you need is connection. Connection to yourself. Take a deep breath and feel into your body. As you focus on your breathing, you can even put your hands over your heart since the disconnect is rooted here. Breathe: do an even count of breaths in and out.
 
This will begin to calm your system. Then ground yourself to the planet, in present time. Feel your feet on the ground. Become aware of and feel your body. Imagine the energy at your tailbone heading downward through the ground, to hook you deep into the planet.
 
Center your energy within yourself and breathe in love and compassion. Breathe in and speak words of forgiveness. For example, “I forgive myself for this thought. I forgive and release my self-judgment.”
 
Then move to what you’re choosing instead and since you were judging yourself, change that to, “I love and accept myself, exactly as I am.”
 
Notice if your inner critic pipes up as you say that. Can you silence her/him and activate your inner coach instead who says, “You’re good. You got this!”
 
It may not be easy at first but remember, the critic is never satisfied. That's its role- it judges, judges, judges. But have you ever found benefit from its barrage of negativity? No, because there’s nothing constructive about it. Whereas an inner coach can encourage and support you. You may not sense them yet so activate them. Invite them to speak and cheer you on.
 
The whole process of releasing self-judgment doesn’t have to take long and it’s hugely effective! I did this myself yesterday while driving. A really nasty, “what’s wrong with me” thought popped in and it felt so awful that I immediately said, “cancel clear” and then did the steps above.
 
Let’s look at some specifics:
If you're judging yourself for what you ate, how about instead, “It's safe for me to feel pleasure with food. It's safe for me to honor what my body needs.”
 
If you're feeling judgment because you didn't get through your to-do list, how about, “There’s plenty of time for me to do everything I need. I can move at a pace that is supportive of my system.”
 
If you’re judging yourself because you feel you’re not doing enough, first of all, that’s a big issue, reflective of competition in the Patriarchal paradigm we’re living in now. Especially for women. But that level of competition serves no purpose and only makes you exhaust yourself and again, separates you from self-care and self-acceptance. So, how about, “I’m enough. I do enough. Life is meant to be enjoyed, rather than being a race. It’s safe for me to slow down and rest when I need.”
 
Some of these may be difficult and feel like just words to start, but think of the phrase, “you catch more flys with honey.” You’re the same way. Compassion with yourself goes a longggg way to making a difference in every area of your life.
 
So remember, catch the judgment, cancel it, connect to yourself and your body, breathe in love, ground, forgive yourself, and choose self-love and self-acceptance. Don’t give your judgments the ability to make you feel badly. You have the power to release them and create a beautiful reality.
 
 

I'd been very disheartened to hear personal stories of increased hatred and attack this last week. It's mind boggling to me that people feel the permission to allow the worst versions of themselves to come forward and attack.
 
And yet, there’s profound beauty if you look for it. Remember, what you focus on expands.
 
One of the stories that enraged me the most, the story of little kids who were targeted with texts telling them they’d been chosen to pick cotton, showed the transformative power of love through their actions.
 
My client is a recess volunteer at that school. On Friday, a group of eight 6 and 7-year-olds, boys and girls, gathered around my client, and asked her to sit and meditate with them. That had never happened before. The teachers were stunned. Then, when she went back on Monday, the group had grown and asked her to sit and meditate again with them.
 
My client isn’t a meditation teacher, nor had she spoken of meditation. They chose her because they felt her energy. They knew what they needed, they knew what she needed, and they knew she could anchor healing energy for them.
 
She said, “It’s wild to see so many rambunctious boys lead this. In the middle of the “chaos” of recess with its loud noises, they keep opting out for a minute of quiet and breath work.”
 
That, right there, is going to change the world for the better. Inclusiveness, connection, and group calm.
 
What a beautiful future these children are showing us. Let’s continue to anchor in the light for them.