The Day I Tried to Run Away From My Future Husband

There's a misconception that when something's really right for us, it should be easy and smooth with trumpets blaring and sparkles flying.

Yet sometimes, when it's the perfect thing for us, there is massive resistance.

I met my husband 17 years ago next week. The story of how we met is pure magic, filled with so many synchronicities and so much unseen support, that it’s mind-blowing!

And while we instantly hit it off, when he asked me out, I went into full-on temper tantrum resistance. I ran away from his table (I was his waitress) and was furious that he ruined a lovely evening by asking me out. The nerve!

I even planned excuses to not go out with him.

In hindsight, I recognize my reaction for what it was – he was pushing me outside my comfort zone. I had gotten out of a decades-long, very codependent relationship, and I was happily single and wanted to be alone.

But really, I knew on some level that my life was about to change dramatically, and I didn’t want that. I wanted to stay small and hidden.

While we all think we want change, it isn't always comfortable. Change pushes you. Expands your boundaries. Makes you look at things that you can no longer brush under the table. And that's what Clark did for me. And I hated it! Lol!

The brilliance is, he didn't let me off the hook. He met my resistance with such compassion and understanding, while still holding space for me. He stayed steady and calm while I was an emotional wreck who wanted to fall into old patterns and programs.

He was asking me to be my adult self- not in words, in how he demonstrated presence- and I wanted to be my inner child. He asked me to always speak the truth, even if it was hard to say or hear. I didn’t want honesty, that was scary. I had learned to suppress honesty as a child, because otherwise, I may not be liked or accepted.

However, here was a man who saw me throw the biggest rage tantrum and still spoke beautifully to me. Who accepted the parts of me I couldn’t yet. Who showed me what unconditional love really is.

It took 3 dates but at the end of the 3rd date I knew- I knew he was the one. The one I had been told as a teenager by my unseen team that I would one day meet. The one who would transform my relationship to love and to myself so completely, that it cracked me open in extraordinary ways.

Along the way, there were moments of being massively uncomfortable in my skin. Because this love made me keep choosing to show up in greater and greater ways. And I am eternally grateful that I did, as much as it angered me at the time.

So, this week, ask yourself, “Is there something really good for me that I’m avoiding because it’ll require me to stop hiding and become more?” And if there is, find the courage to do it. Even if you’re kicking and screaming the whole time. You won’t regret it if you say “yes.”