The holiday season can bring up a lot!
For those without family or who are feeling isolated and alone, make sure that you do something nice for yourself; whatever that means to you. It can be extremely painful right now so any kindness you show yourself can go a long way.
For those who will be with families and are worried about family dynamics, refer to the last blog and start shifting the energy with forgiveness now. The other thing to do, is to set yourself up for success before you see family.
Steps to Success:
-Acknowledge that yes, your feelings are valid, AND your family may never be able to hear or see you in present time. They may be stuck in the past, but you don’t need to be. Don’t revert back to child or adolescent behaviors. Hear what thoughts and beliefs come up in your mind and change them in the now. Your family is not the boss of your reality creation, YOU ARE!
-Process your feelings and emotions when you're on your own, and give yourself what you need, versus expecting it to come externally from your family.
-Take your power back, especially if you tend to surrender it to your parents or other family members.
-Watch your expectations. Do not visualize worst-case scenarios. Choose what you want to see. Keep choosing to see peace or harmony. Don't let the part of your mind that goes negative rule the show. Create a positive outcome. You have the power of thought and the power of choice, never forget that!
-In that vein, acknowledge and release your negative ego before you walk in the door so that you don't fall into old patterns of victimhood or blame. Silence that negative voice and banish it to the outside. Release what you can of any shame, need to control, need for perfection, rage, self-pity, and martyr ahead of time.
-Boundaries are key. Don't surrender your energy to another; hold your energy around you. Put yourself in a protective energy bubble of gold or violet light. Emotionally, if someone asks you a question that you don't want to answer or that makes you uncomfortable, change the subject or say, “Why do you ask?” or “I prefer not to discuss that.” It’s OK to say “No,” literally or figuratively.
Immediately before seeing anyone:
-Ground yourself and get yourself in present time* and rooted into your body because family can spin you out. This is the best thing you can do to create an empowered experience.
-Remind yourself that you are safe. You, present time adult you, creates safety. Don’t give that power away externally. If it feels awful with family and truly isn’t a safe place, leave! You've got to remember your needs, especially if you're under any sort of duress. You have to take care of yourself and put that oxygen mask on first.
Now, that doesn’t give you an excuse to match their behavior and act badly. Release any righteousness or desire to punish. BE the adult.
-If you're getting triggered, leave the room. Excuse yourself and go breathe. If everyone else is melting down, you don't need to join. You're human so you may fall into old patterns of behavior; that's OK!! Forgive yourself and course correct.
And if you do all the above and it still goes sideways, try not to dive bomb. Sometimes energy and experiences shift immediately, and sometimes it takes time. Just keep doing your best to stay empowered in present time.
-Separate out energy! Give them back their energy and call yours back to you.
-Ground again. Whether you got triggered or not, get yourself back into your body in the now. Release any mental chatter. Imagine closing the door on all conversations from the night.
Be compassionate with yourself; it starts with you.
You got this!
Red words link to previous blogs.
*I updated this video from a prior blog; it's a specific tapping you can do that anchors you in present time.
Two other helpful blogs: Healing Your Nervous System and 12 Ways to Alleviate Anxiety and Panic
Me, Tina Germain, just sharing ways to make you the best you can be!