As I write this, I have just found out that Anthony Bourdain committed suicide. That’s two well-known people in one week, and who knows how many countless others.
The thing I loved about Anthony Bourdain, was how he would shine a light on atrocities and injustices that the collective consciousness may not have known about, all the while, doing it over food; a seemingly benign topic, but one that could open the door to deeper, more philosophical issues. But for all that light he brought, he still battled his own inner darkness.
I do not claim to be any sort of expert on suicide; so instead, today we will talk about our own inner darknesses as a way to bring them to the light, so that we can be healed.
It is so important to acknowledge your shadow and your own inner demons. All the positive affirmations in the world won’t make a dent if your inner darkness has more weight. The biggest culprit to that darkness, is your negative ego.
The negative ego, while being a part of you, is just that- negative. It would destroy you if it could. The negative ego wants you to feel that you’re special, and it puts that specialness in the guise of telling you that you are more spiritual then others, more sensitive, that you are too sensitive for this world, or that you are so unique that nothing helps you and that your issue can’t be fixed. Specialness is a big tell that your negative ego is at play. Again, even if that specialness stems from how damaged you are; that you are more wounded then the next person.
Conversely, it tells you that you’re not enough, you’ll never be enough, you should just hide in the corner because nobody cares what you have to say, you’re less than others, and unworthy. It’s the nasty voice in our heads that whispers that our deepest fears will come true: we’ll be humiliated, punished, abandoned, etc. It guides us towards self-sabotage, flames our resistance, keeps us in fear, distracts us from positive actions, and likes to create problems where there are none.
That’s why it’s so important to learn to take your power back from it, and say things such as, “cancel clear,” when it says awful things or, “I refuse that thought,” and then replace it with a new, positive one. Sometimes I’ve even said, in a non-attached way and with no emotion, “Shut up, I’m not listening to you” when it gets too loud. If you engage it in a loud shouting match, then it’s won, so you need to be detached. The more cognizant you can be that that voice is your negative ego, and not your true self, the more empowered you’ll be in your life and the more you’ll be able to shine your light.
The last thing it wants is for you to shine. It wants you to stay suffocating in the darkness, so it might tell you that this blog doesn’t apply to you. And when you do start shining, it wants you to think that you are so special and better than everyone else. So stop giving it that power. Stop giving it the power to over-elevate, or diminish you.
Start to observe it, see what messages it uses to keep you stuck, and realize that’s not the truth. You have to be hyper vigilant with your thoughts so that you do not succumb to it’s call.
My friend Holly Higgins is brilliant at teaching how to recognize and overcome the negative ego. At the bottom is a link to her negative ego video, and she also has a blog post and PDF on that page for further reading. I cannot recommend it enough.
It’s time to end your codependence with your negative ego and to take your power back, so that you can create an empowered life, while diminishing your dark. Remember, nothing changes until you do.
Me, just sharing ways to make you the best you can be!