We dove into the dark shadow- now how about the light?
Interestingly, the light can be as scary for some as the dark is for others. Some of you are hardwired to look at what’s not working. And you fix it and you work it, and you fix it some more. You’re always willing to look at your faults and what’s not working. You’re incredibly familiar with your shame and your anger etc. Yes, you may still have stuff in your shadow, but you consistently work at bettering yourself.
Now if I ask you about your beauty, your greatness, your gifts and talents, your generosity of spirit, your compassionate heart, or your light, you may dismiss it or deny it. You may want to believe it’s there, but it doesn’t feel right to claim it. Or you may truly think that there’s just so much wrong with you that you have no light.
Either way, all of that goodness is in the shadow. It is just as powerful to excavate the light shadow as it is the dark.
Try this for a moment, say this statement and let me know if it triggers you: “I am magnificent.”
Be aware if your negative ego wants to jump in and take it to the whole extreme of, “Oh yes, I am completely magnificent,” said with arrogance. That’s not what I’m talking about. I mean true ownership of your magnificence and light. You may giggle and think that’s silly- “Ok Tina sure, I’m magnificent.” Said with an eye roll.
Yes, you are. Can you own that?
Can you own your magnificence? Can you own who you are beyond this body? Can you truly own the light of you?
I tell you all the time to be the light, but if you refuse to acknowledge your own light, how can you bring more of the light into the world?
Let’s try this, look in the mirror. No excuses, pick up your reading device and walk to a mirror. Are you resisting me? Good- then you need this more than ever. Look yourself in the eyes, acknowledge yourself, and say:
“I see you. I see your light. I see your love. You are beautiful.”
That might be phenomenally difficult for some of you and it may even evoke tears or wanting to turn away. But it’s time to acknowledge it. And did you even do the exercise, or dismiss me outright and ignore what I asked of you? If so, you just got a big answer.
There’s so much darkness that we’re seeing in the world and yes absolutely we need to heal our own dark, but if we only heal our dark, we are lopsided if we don’t simultaneously bring forth and acknowledge the truth of our beauty, love, magnificence, joy, etc.
Remember, only the light can heal the darkness. Which means- only your light can heal your darkness. Sit with that.
Sometimes we shove aside the light to protect it, especially those who grew up in difficult or abusive households. But as I said last week, there are gradients to everything and it doesn’t take an overtly abusive household to make one hide their light. There’s also a lot of societal messages about not standing out and tamping down your light/uniqueness or, you may have heard, “who do you think you are?”- in relation to what makes you wonderfully you.
As you own your light, I’m not saying you suddenly have to be visible to everybody, but you do need to be visible to yourself. You need to be willing to see your magnificence. To tap into that and let that expand.
Again I say, in order to be the light, you need to actually be willing to see your light. Without caveat, without diminishing it or limiting how much you’ll see.
What about you is filled with light? Take a peek this week and pull it out of the shadow and into your consciousness. The world is waiting.
I had a blog about freedom for this week, but a topic came up glaringly this past weekend and I wanted to address it now.
There are so many more conspiracy theories going around. Again I ask: do you choose to believe them and feel powerless, or do you choose to find the deeper lessons in this global reprieve and own your power on a more profound level?
Conspiracy theories help make sense of what feels out of control. We are birthing a new world. It is unknown, therefore not something we can control. That’s scary. It makes sense to think bad people are doing this to you. Yet, “if you make someone the villain, then you’ve made yourself the victim.”*
If you believe there are dark forces out there, maybe it’s time to do some deep shadow work on your own dark. As the world is excavating its collective shadow, you need to excavate yours.
I tell you to be the light, but it’s not all rainbows and unicorns. There is darkness and ugliness on this planet. We live in a duality- the lightest light and the darkest dark.
You have to heal yourself FIRST, and that means looking at your own dark: your rage, your fears, your prejudices, your entitlements, etc. Do you forgive, or only when it’s convenient? Do you have compassion, or only with people who think like you?
Healing those first helps you be more of the light.
You are no victim. In any scenario you can control your response, thoughts, actions, and beliefs. That is creating your reality.
Let’s talk more about your shadow, because I’m doing a disservice if you don’t realize you have one.
We all have a light and dark shadow: the things we shove aside and don’t want to look at or deal with. In the dark shadow are, as I said above, your rage, your control, manipulation, self-pity, shame, etc. Now you may be aware of these and are actively working to overcome them. If so, great, they’re no longer in your shadow. The shadow holds what you don’t want to, or refuse to, look at.
Here’s an example: let’s say for Sally it’s easy to cry, that’s a safe emotion. She was taught to never be angry or maybe she saw an angry relative and vowed to never be like them. So whenever she gets angry, she cries. Or she smiles sweetly and either apologizes for getting upset, or acts as if everything is fine. All three of those options discount the truth that she’s furious and can’t acknowledge that. Where does the fury go? Into her shadow.
Vowing to, “not be like them,” either an angry family member or another authority figure, only holds that emotion like glue in your space.
Left unexpressed, the shadow gains in strength. Then Sally worries that if she were ever to express anger, it would be so ugly and destructive, that it's better to keep suppressing it. At some point, either she may become depressed, or have no motivation and be resentful. Maybe she does lose it and destroys her relationships, or more terribly, an illness gets created.
On the opposite side of that, let’s say Sally, in her anger suppression, is super sugary sweet and says she can’t even hurt a fly. She is so out of touch with herself that while she may not overtly hurt you, check your back for a knife. Again- shadow. She can’t show anger but boy will she harm you covertly given the chance.
Here’s another example: Joe was taught the opposite of Sally, that’s it’s manly to be angry and domineering but crying is weakness. So he goes through life getting more and more cut off from the people around him because he’s angry all the time. Through every loss, through all his fears, he can’t speak them because vulnerability is the enemy. He rages instead and pushes people away. Like Sally, the consequences could be severe, or seemingly benign yet filled with tremendous pain: a lonely, unfulfilled life, or, a seemingly successful life externally with all the trappings of success, yet without truly knowing love and inner peace.
Obviously there are gradients to how it plays out, the point is, a shadow unexpressed and unexplored is destructive and fodder for your negative ego. That which you shove aside both comes at you from the world and the people around you, and your negative ego will use it torment you. That’s actually a good place to look: what kinds of negative/upsetting situations do you continually find yourself in, and also, what is the nasty voice in your head telling you? You may get clues there as to what you’re not owning.
How many people do you know controlled by their anger or their martyring (sacrificing) themselves? Maybe they’re controlled by their need to control or their victimhood. The choices are endless, what controls you that you won’t look at? What’s the truth below it that’s waiting to be excavated?
You have to acknowledge and release your emotions, safely; i.e.: journal them, rage bubble them, take a pillow and beat the bed, go for a run while venting- you have to move them out.
Just like in the world, we’re all capable of the lightest light and the darkest dark. When you own that, it can’t have power over you. You know what you’re capable of and choose to respond responsibly and accordingly. And by the way, this is how you create greater self-trust and greater self-actualization. When you do that, you not only heal yourself, but you heal the world.
*Quote from Eileen McKusick
Me, just sharing ways to make you the best you can be!