Sometimes love says, “no.”
What this means, is that sometimes the most loving act is to say “no” to a person or situation; walking away from a situation that is exhausting you, or saying “no” to a request that you cannot fulfill. It can be as simple and gentle as, “No, I’m sorry I can’t.” No explanation necessary, nor no guilt.
It's not mean or bad to say no, it's having boundaries. It's owning that you matter: your time matters, your energy matters, your space matters. Over-giving doesn't help the other person; it only depletes you and prevents you from taking care of your needs.
Stop doing things out of duty and obligation. Do it because you want to. Otherwise the crabbiness with which you do it negatively impacts your energy, and goes out into the world.
You can't control anyone else or what they say about you, so if you're not saying “no” because they need you or to show what a good person you are, stop. You can't make people see you the way you want to be seen. The only thing you can control is your response. If they decide you're mean for saying no, that's their problem, not yours. You aren't responsible to fix their upset. This can be hard for some people who think, “but what if I look mean?” What if you do? Would you rather be perceived as being mean, which you're not by the way, or be depleted and lacking in self-worth?
There are times that people want you to do it all for them, but it’s not your job to fix/rescue anyone. You can be compassionate while maintaining firm boundaries. Again, a simple, “no” is all that is required. In your head you can add the, “No, I won’t let you talk to me like that. No, I can’t fix that for you. No, I won’t rescue you again.” Come from the idea that, “I love you and, I have faith that you can figure this out.”
You are valuable, your time and energy matters. You can't serve the greater good, or even achieve your own dreams and goals, if you are constantly giving to others and draining yourself. Own your value. Release the outcome. Remember, you could be absolutely perfect and some people would still critique you. They will see you how they want to because it's their perception, not the ultimate truth. Recognize this. You have to take care of you. Stop sacrificing yourself and own your time and energy.
Have the courage to say “no” to what is hindering you, and yes to yourself. You matter!
There is so much chaos in the air right now, and I know you’re feeling it. There is a frenetic energy that many of you are getting swept up in, not to mention how many of you are going through major life changes right now, especially the group of you who are moving in the midst of this. So this week, we’re going to keep it very simple:
I want you to close your eyes, put your hand on your heart, and take a few deep breaths. This will center you and get you back to yourself.
Stop all doing and just be for a moment.
Do this as often as you need throughout your day, and if you get too overwhelmed, remember to take Bach Flower Remedy “Elm.”
According to a myriad of things I’ve read from different astrologers, this chaos should quell as September moves on. So for now, self-care is key. As is not judging anything you are feeling or going through. Have compassion for yourself and take those few moments to center and breathe.
You’re not alone, you’ve got this.
“When you own your breath, nobody can steal your peace”
This week, I want you to contemplate this:
“You are loved. Beyond what you can imagine, beyond what you can fathom, you are loved.”
The Universe loves you. Let this in. Let it dictate your actions and self-care this week. This may feel foreign or it may feel removed from you. You may not believe this or you may even actively resist it, but what if, this week, you choose to act as if it is true, and you release the blocks you’ve put up to allowing more love in your life? You can now choose to experience a reality filled with more ease, beauty, grace, and love. You have the power to do so. Are you willing to be courageous enough to release your faulty perceptions and limitations and open to a new level of expansion? Are you willing to stop pretending that the quote isn’t true for you?
Let love lead the way. Simply be willing, be receptive.
Amidst the chaos and turmoil of the world, you can emerge anew. Allow the love that is flowing to you right now to surround and fill you. Feel it, breathe it in. If you dismiss this or feel blockages to accepting it, breathe into those places, remind yourself that you are safe, and trust that the Universe is supporting you and cheering you on.
Allow more love into your reality. Allow yourself to be loved. Your future self says, “thank you.”
This week, I've recorded a 5 minute guided exercise to help you. This comes courtesy of Stuart Rogers, a brilliant acting teacher who I used to study with. He would have us do this exercise to get us present and grounded. I loved it so much for it's power and simplicity, that I wrote a mini version of it into our wedding ceremony to get everyone, and especially myself, present. When you're feeling ungrounded, take a moment for yourself, and listen to this, while sitting in a chair.
Last night there was a moth in our bedroom. I’m not talking about an ordinary moth, I’m talking the size of a butterfly, and I am not exaggerating in the slightest. This moth was desperate to get out, but while I had opened the door to the light outside, it just kept bashing around the ceiling over and over. It seemed to refuse the very thing it wanted most, it’s freedom. It preferred to smack against the ceiling, even though the door was open, and the light was right there.
How often do we do that in our own lives? The answer is there, the doorway is open to change, but we prefer to smack our heads up against the ceiling of our own limiting and stuck beliefs, thoughts, attitudes, and habits. It’s safer to keep beating up against what we know, than simply walking through that open doorway into our light.
The light can be scary, even though rationally we say we want the light, because the light is filled with our beauty, our gifts, and our radiance. We’ve been so trained to believe that we are our struggles, our lack, and our limits. What would happen if we dared to walk through that open door? It’s right there, just shift where you’ve been focusing and change your perspective.
Maybe “up until now,” brilliant phrasing by the way, it’s always been ..., but what if today, you approach it differently? You own your light, your radiance, your expansiveness, and then you decide how it’s going to turn out. You make a new choice and move forward with faith.
Now, sometimes when you do that, that negative ego voice is silently stalking in the background, just waiting to say- “see, I knew it wouldn’t work!” So don’t give it the opportunity. Before you start, own that this time will be different and consciously release any part of you waiting to prove yourself wrong for wanting to expand. Wanting to prove that you were right all these years for holding onto that belief etc. Gather your courage, tell all parts of you that you are stepping through that doorway, forgive any part of you in resistance, and take a step. Imagine all the wondrous things you can discover in the light. Let that motivate, versus scare you.
You deserve a life of your dreams. You deserve complete happiness. Make a new choice today. Shift your perspective. Stop beating your head against the old ceiling, it’s time to turn and walk out into your new life. As for that moth, he finally made it into the light, and so can you. Freedom awaits.
Me, just sharing ways to make you the best you can be!