Last night there was a moth in our bedroom. I’m not talking about an ordinary moth, I’m talking the size of a butterfly, and I am not exaggerating in the slightest. This moth was desperate to get out, but while I had opened the door to the light outside, it just kept bashing around the ceiling over and over. It seemed to refuse the very thing it wanted most, it’s freedom. It preferred to smack against the ceiling, even though the door was open, and the light was right there.
How often do we do that in our own lives? The answer is there, the doorway is open to change, but we prefer to smack our heads up against the ceiling of our own limiting and stuck beliefs, thoughts, attitudes, and habits. It’s safer to keep beating up against what we know, than simply walking through that open doorway into our light.
The light can be scary, even though rationally we say we want the light, because the light is filled with our beauty, our gifts, and our radiance. We’ve been so trained to believe that we are our struggles, our lack, and our limits. What would happen if we dared to walk through that open door? It’s right there, just shift where you’ve been focusing and change your perspective.
Maybe “up until now,” brilliant phrasing by the way, it’s always been ..., but what if today, you approach it differently? You own your light, your radiance, your expansiveness, and then you decide how it’s going to turn out. You make a new choice and move forward with faith.
Now, sometimes when you do that, that negative ego voice is silently stalking in the background, just waiting to say- “see, I knew it wouldn’t work!” So don’t give it the opportunity. Before you start, own that this time will be different and consciously release any part of you waiting to prove yourself wrong for wanting to expand. Wanting to prove that you were right all these years for holding onto that belief etc. Gather your courage, tell all parts of you that you are stepping through that doorway, forgive any part of you in resistance, and take a step. Imagine all the wondrous things you can discover in the light. Let that motivate, versus scare you.
You deserve a life of your dreams. You deserve complete happiness. Make a new choice today. Shift your perspective. Stop beating your head against the old ceiling, it’s time to turn and walk out into your new life. As for that moth, he finally made it into the light, and so can you. Freedom awaits.
As I write this, I have just found out that Anthony Bourdain committed suicide. That’s two well-known people in one week, and who knows how many countless others.
The thing I loved about Anthony Bourdain, was how he would shine a light on atrocities and injustices that the collective consciousness may not have known about, all the while, doing it over food; a seemingly benign topic, but one that could open the door to deeper, more philosophical issues. But for all that light he brought, he still battled his own inner darkness.
I do not claim to be any sort of expert on suicide; so instead, today we will talk about our own inner darknesses as a way to bring them to the light, so that we can be healed.
It is so important to acknowledge your shadow and your own inner demons. All the positive affirmations in the world won’t make a dent if your inner darkness has more weight. The biggest culprit to that darkness, is your negative ego.
The negative ego, while being a part of you, is just that- negative. It would destroy you if it could. The negative ego wants you to feel that you’re special, and it puts that specialness in the guise of telling you that you are more spiritual then others, more sensitive, that you are too sensitive for this world, or that you are so unique that nothing helps you and that your issue can’t be fixed. Specialness is a big tell that your negative ego is at play. Again, even if that specialness stems from how damaged you are; that you are more wounded then the next person.
Conversely, it tells you that you’re not enough, you’ll never be enough, you should just hide in the corner because nobody cares what you have to say, you’re less than others, and unworthy. It’s the nasty voice in our heads that whispers that our deepest fears will come true: we’ll be humiliated, punished, abandoned, etc. It guides us towards self-sabotage, flames our resistance, keeps us in fear, distracts us from positive actions, and likes to create problems where there are none.
That’s why it’s so important to learn to take your power back from it, and say things such as, “cancel clear,” when it says awful things or, “I refuse that thought,” and then replace it with a new, positive one. Sometimes I’ve even said, in a non-attached way and with no emotion, “Shut up, I’m not listening to you” when it gets too loud. If you engage it in a loud shouting match, then it’s won, so you need to be detached. The more cognizant you can be that that voice is your negative ego, and not your true self, the more empowered you’ll be in your life and the more you’ll be able to shine your light.
The last thing it wants is for you to shine. It wants you to stay suffocating in the darkness, so it might tell you that this blog doesn’t apply to you. And when you do start shining, it wants you to think that you are so special and better than everyone else. So stop giving it that power. Stop giving it the power to over-elevate, or diminish you.
Start to observe it, see what messages it uses to keep you stuck, and realize that’s not the truth. You have to be hyper vigilant with your thoughts so that you do not succumb to it’s call.
My friend Holly Higgins is brilliant at teaching how to recognize and overcome the negative ego. At the bottom is a link to her negative ego video, and she also has a blog post and PDF on that page for further reading. I cannot recommend it enough.
It’s time to end your codependence with your negative ego and to take your power back, so that you can create an empowered life, while diminishing your dark. Remember, nothing changes until you do.
Me, just sharing ways to make you the best you can be!