We all have many different aspects of ourselves: the inner child, negative ego, inner adolescent, the critic, the conscious adult, the inner coach, etc. - who’s driving your bus? Is it the conscious adult aware you? Or have you given the wheel to someone else in the list above? Are they running roughshod through your life, smacking into buildings and ripping up gardens, or are you driving on course with purpose, focus, and empowerment?
An element of taking responsibility for your life is recognizing which part of you is responding, and thus driving the bus, in every given moment. Only you can bring yourself into present time and respond as an adult.
If you’re stuck in blame- still blaming mom and dad, blaming your circumstances, blaming others -you are not in your conscious adult; you have let your inner child or adolescent run the show. If you want to be treated like an adult and respected as an adult, you need to take your power back from those parts.
You are not a victim to any aspect of your life. This can be hard to realize, but if you’re stuck in blaming, there’s a part of you unwilling to take responsibility. However, you always have a choice as to how you respond, and you can choose differently. Daily, even hourly, you can make different choices that are empowering. That release the past and help you focus on the future.
Over a decade ago, I got completely triggered by something someone asked of me. I could tell my inner child was amping up with a vengeance because she was furious with the options presented. I paused the conversation with a brief, “Give me a moment,” excused myself, went into the bathroom, and threw a quiet temper tantrum with silent screaming for a minute or two, getting out all the stuck emotions. I gave my inner child full permission to vent all the reasons she was melting down. When she was done, I moved her aside, pulled myself together, tapped into my power, and came out of the bathroom to handle the situation like an adult. That technique worked so well, that I still use it as needed. And ironically, I was in a class last week and the teacher spoke of almost the exact same technique. So clearly others got the same idea I did and have put it into play.
The key is to really go to town and stomp your feet etc., releasing everything negative your inner child, adolescent, or ego feel. Then come back out of the bathroom/room and calmly respond to the situation at hand. If you need more processing than a two-minute tantrum, then tell the other person you need to sit with what they said and walk away to work through the issue. This also is true of emails or texts- don’t respond out of emotional reactivity!
Have adult you take the wheel. Your life is precious. Stop wasting it allowing the past to control and dictate your behavior; take conscious responsibility and choose how to spend your time and energy. The choice is yours.
I don’t think we’re ever truly confused when it comes to making choices. We may say we are, but underneath, it’s usually because there’s fear blocking what we think we can have. Of our choices, one choice is the “shoulds” that speak to what’s expected of us or our duties and obligations, and the other choice is our true desire. For a myriad of reasons, we don’t think we can claim that which we truly desire, and so we create confusion.
It can be scary to follow your dreams or to walk away from something/someone. It can be scary to declare the path you’re drawn to taking. So as a subconscious protection from stepping out and owning what we really want, and potentially disappointing/upsetting our family/friends, we get confused. But all that confusion is just noise. Noise preventing us from knowing the truth of what our gut really says. You need to drop out of the noise and go down into the gut.
Start with this: the next time you feel confused when faced with a choice, get out of your head, out of what everyone else says and what you think is “right,” and ask in the quiet stillness of your gut what direction to take/what your answer is. Be still and listen. It may not come at first. There may be programming to unravel of all the times you acquiesced or surrendered your will. But the answer is there. As is the knowing. They’re not in your head, they’re in your gut.
When you get your answer, then act on it. Even if it’s out of your comfort zone, even if it’s scary. Change your perception and translate the fear as excitement and good nervousness for all the amazing things coming your way as you follow your truth.
Don’t worry how others will react. It’s your reality, you need to create a life you’re proud of.
When people are dying, they regret the things they didn’t pursue, the courage they didn’t call upon. Don’t create a regret, create what you most desire. Move out of confusion, allow and receive clarity, and then move forward in the direction of your dreams.
I have absolute faith in the future. Unwavering and complete faith. I have total faith in the world becoming new.
How, you might ask? Because I have chosen it, over and over, and I feed the future I want to see for the world, with not only my energy and attention, but also with my love and light.
I know we didn’t come all this way to have things fail. And by “all this way,” I mean lifetimes of soul growth and conscious evolution. I certainly didn’t.
We’re birthing a new world. A NEW world. That doesn’t happen overnight. The old Piscean age model of “power over” needs to crumble and be cleared out to make way for a new way of being: one of co-creation and cooperation with each other, and with the planet.
I know some of you may not see this. Some of you only see darkness and destruction. You aren’t able to see the light of possibility. Fear has won over your imagination.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. Remember, you create your reality. You. Not government leaders, not anything external, you.
What do you want to see for the world? And do you want your negative ego/your fear to be in control? Or do you want to choose and consciously look for the light and let that win?
It’s a choice. You choose how you see the world. Do you choose to see the problems, or focus on the solutions?
I’m not in denial of all that needs healing in our country and the world- not even close. If you’ve followed me long enough, you know that I’m not all love and light. I absolutely remind you that you have got to deal with your own personal darkness and excavate your rage and pain etc.
You can’t just go right to a positive attitude if you don’t believe it. If you can only see through the eyes of fear, acknowledge that, work on it, and clear those energies out. If you feel dread, if you feel powerless, if you feel threatened - work through all of them. You’ll see in the world that which mirrors your beliefs.
If you’re tied to seeing the dark, what part of you has abdicated power? What part wants to, or is stuck in, seeing the nightmare? What do you get from that path? It might not be pretty:
Maybe self-pity- “Omg look how awful others are. Poor me, I live in this dark reality.”
Or blame- “I have no say, they’re doing it to me, to the world, it’s their fault.”
Or rage that feeds righteousness- “They’re bad and wrong so I need to fight them and punish them back.”
These are just a few examples, and none of them are pleasant, but you need to be honest with yourself as to what emotion is holding you, and your imagination, hostage to a negative world view and in a power struggle with darkness. What you struggle with persists, until it’s healed.
When you can heal that in you, there will be less of it in the world. That’s part of being the solution. Heal you first and have less darkness in you first.
Then go back to your empowerment and faith in what you DO want to see.
Of course, that’s not always going to be easy- hello- you’re human – and:
Stop giving your power away.
Own that you are powerful, and you choose which to feed: the light or the dark.
Own your light. And if that scares you, dive into why you’re stuck on you not mattering or being shameful etc.
What is the story you want to tell about the world? What is the story you want to tell about your place in the world? Are you a champion of the light, or perpetually fighting the dark, getting mired in it, and exhausting yourself? Just as turning on a light in a dark room eradicates the dark, the more light you are, the less dark that exists.
I’m standing for the light. Will you join me?
Right now, with many losing their minds, it’s important to remember to not engage crazy. There are those who thrive on drama, who want to sweep you into their mess, who want to amp up discord. However, as I’ve reminded you often lately, you don’t need to participate.
One of my favorite metaphors comes from my friend Linda Foley. She always told me to stay off the crazy playground. What is the crazy playground you ask?
The way I think of the crazy playground is as if imagining yourself stuck on a carousel, and you just keep circling around and around with either a person or an issue. It doesn’t stop moving, it’s up to you to step off.
How do you know you’re on the crazy playground? When you’re engaging in a battle. When a fight has escalated beyond what it’s even really about. When someone has no interest in looking at their part of their mess and simply wants to blame. When someone is sinking into their own story and refuses any bit of sane advice. When you’re arguing over and over and over and getting nowhere.
It’s anytime you can tell the other person doesn’t hear you, or you’re mired in an old pattern, or with somebody who’s stuck in their negative ego- and you just keep circling around and around and around, and refuse to take the highroad and walk away.
Here’s an example: a client of mine has a mother that always has a crisis going on, always needing something. The mother thrives on drama. She dumps it on my client and expects my client to fix it all. Eventually, through talking about this metaphor, my client realized that she’s constantly on the crazy playground with her mother. Always engaging the crazy by responding to it, and/or resisting it. Resistance still keeps you on the playground. It wasn’t until she took her power back one day and realized that:
A: she was not at her mother’s beck and call and could simply not answer the phone – to which to some of you might say, “well duh,” but to others who know what it’s like when somebody needs you and is continually looking to you for something, that’s not always easy.
And B: when her mom started dumping all of the issues on her, she simply said, “I cannot help you today. I hope you’re able to fix that problem. I have to go now, we’ll talk soon.”
She let her mom know that she would not be there to solve that particular problem, nor any other problems coming up. She held the boundary of her sanity being more important than being on that merry go round of crazy.
There’s not just a merry go round on the crazy playground, there’s also a teeter totter- where someone is always up and the other is always down- a swing set, the monkey bars – they can all be metaphors for however the crazy is playing out.
You won’t always recognize that you’re stuck there. Sometimes you simply think you’re engaging in dialogue or discussion. But notice if it keeps going in circles. Notice if there always has to be a winner and a loser. Notice if you’re so used to it that you don’t realize that you are worthy and deserving of peace and serenity.
Regardless of which vehicle you’re on in the playground, ultimately, sanity comes from disengaging and walking away. Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? Do you want tranquility, or do you want conflict?
You take your power back by not only stepping off the merry-go-round, but actually walking to the edge of the playground, opening the gate, and closing it behind you to completely detach and liberate yourself.
In my imagination, the land outside the gate of the crazy playground is serene, peaceful, and beautiful.
You deserve to be there. When you find yourself in the crazy playground, use the imagery of walking out, closing the gate, and then set the boundaries needed, cut the cords, and choose peace instead of chaos. Focus on being the best you that you can be, and don’t give your power away to anything/anyone that disrupts your calm.
If it helps, in your head say, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”
The more you disengage from crazy, the more you teach your subconscious that you won't allow it in your reality, thereby creating more harmonious people/circumstances in your life.
You are worthy of contentment and well-being.
May you find peace and sanity this week!
I’ve had to really take my power back lately: from externals- such as the global crisis and Covid restrictions, to internals- my inner child, adolescent, and negative ego. I've also had to pull my power and energy back from wanting to future trip and think about something farther off in my day/week, and worry about it. It’s been more obvious to me lately when I do this, and thus, when I do and take my power back, I am so much more present, centered, calm, and empowered.
Which leads me to today's topic: I want to address something that has been coming up a lot lately: the idea that an issue you have can’t be fixed or that nothing can help you.
These are beliefs. They are only as true as the energy that you give them. They do not need to be true. Repetitive thought makes them true. Then the universe shows you the very thing that you keep repeating to yourself.
You can argue with me that truly nothing you do seems to shift an issue. Let’s break that apart then:
First, you believe it. You believe it fully. The universe is complying with that belief and making sure that nothing you do works.
Let’s just play with the idea that that belief could be faulty. I get it, I really do. I hear the angst in your voice; I know the frustration. You’re at your wits end. Things don’t seem to shift. So humor me for a moment. Are you willing to own that your thought could be a lie? Just open to it.
Do you know for certain that the universe has not been trying to help you only to have it be rebounded back? You don’t, so let’s say that’s the case. You may not be receiving/allowing the help you need because of the paradigm in which you grew up where when you asked for help, either you didn’t receive what you wanted, bad things happened, or you were hurt etc. Have you personified the universe to be exactly like the authority figures when you were growing up? Is the universe benevolent and generous or withholding and limiting?
Next step: where have you given away your power to believe that your statement is true?
That is the core of it, that is the frustration of it: the idea that you keep doing everything and nothing is working. You are essentially powerless.
That my friends is an enormous lie. I think probably the biggest one out there. What better way to control somebody than to make them think they’re powerless?
Yes, you were powerless as a child. As an adolescent too. You had to follow the rules or the consequences could be severe. Especially as a little child.
However, those parts of you are no longer allowed to run the show. They may have colored your current worldview based on the past, and are still getting something by keeping the pattern going. You can talk to those aspects and let them know you’re creating a new reality. You may need to do deeper work with them, but ultimately you the adult makes the conscious present moment choice. You have the power in the now to choose differently.
You may also have given your power away to your negative ego. The negative ego seduces you with fear, worry, and anxiety. It wants you scared and afraid of everything. It will convince you that they’re doing it to you. Or even that there are dark forces looming over you, just waiting to attack. Both of these perpetuate the idea of powerlessness.
I get that when you feel so powerless it makes sense that it’s external. However, when you do a deep dive into your own negative ego and shadow, you uncover the truth; that the answer is within. That’s where the lie of powerlessness festers.
As you look to these areas, the more aware you become, the more you can take your power back.
And to deepen what I’m saying, as I said above, your power is in your choice. Even if you’re in an unpleasant situation and it seems that your options aren’t great, you still have the power to choose how to respond. You can respond from your child, negative ego or adolescent, or you the adult can choose a higher response. You have the power to change any situation by your thoughts and attitudes about it. That’s power. To not give anything external, or even the internal monkey mind, the ability to ruin your serenity. Personal power is taking the tools at your disposal and making the best of them.
The universe actually is on your side, so stop fighting for your limitations.
You have to be the light first and that entails owning your personal power so call it back. You’re not your mind, not your body, not your thoughts, not your ego. You are a powerful infinite being of light, never forget this.
(For further help in taking your power back, click here.)
“I choose peace instead of this.”
I try to cultivate a reality of harmony and calm, but every so often, life happens, and conflict arises. That very thing happened Friday and while I was not directly involved in the conflict, it impacted me greatly. I did what I remind all of you to do, processed through any of my own fears, upsets, and angers, forgave myself for anywhere that I was contributing to this conflict, took my power back from it, and most valuably, I remembered something from a book Gabby Bernstein had written, that was taken from one of the lessons in A Course in Miracles. But while I couldn’t remember the exact phrasing, I was consciously choosing a different reality so I started saying over and over, when thinking of the situation, “I choose peace instead of this.” Now the way it had originally been taught was, “I could see peace instead of this.” While I understand why it was phrased that way for the lesson, for my purposes, I was actively choosing to see a reality of peace. I affirmed it over and over, all weekend, while doing all the other things that I needed to do to help shift the energy.
Monday morning, I found out that the parties involved were able to hash out what happened and create understanding, thereby ending the conflict.
As I remind you all the time, nothing changes until you do, and since you create your reality, you can actively choose the outcome you want and put all of your attention there. I could have dive-bombed into righteousness and anger and all sorts of other emotions, but that would have exacerbated the issue vs. heal it. Make the choice to rise above whatever is in conflict in your life and choose a peaceful outcome. You cannot control what happens, but you can control what you bring to the situation. Choose peace.
Me, Tina Germain, just sharing ways to make you the best you can be!