I was listening to a discussion recently, and the sound healer I sometimes quote, Eileen McKusick, pointed out something that some of us know, but maybe hadn’t really thought about. There’s a phrasing in the romance languages where you have something versus be it. For example, “I am having hunger,” instead of, "I am hungry." Taking that premise, what would happen if we applied that principle to our emotions?
The wording, “I am” is an incredibly strong and powerful statement that we throw around all the time. When we use it, we claim ownership of whatever follows. Which is why you should be judicious with your words and thoughts. Now to the topic at hand: when you're feeling an emotion, instead of claiming it with an “I am,” what if you shift your thinking and you have it instead? Having something is temporary and transitory; it can pass through you quickly. Owning something is harder to shed and makes it more ingrained.
Here’s an example: I woke up in a mood recently and found myself saying, “I am so crabby!” Then I started looking for the reasons why I was so crabby. As I was doing that, I realized I was beginning to create a story about the crabbiness, as well as an association – i.e., it was the food I ate or it must be a certain supplement, etc. Now maybe neither of those were the case and yet I was about to tell myself a whole story with negative associations and dig that crabbiness in even further.
Thankfully I caught myself and with a swift, “cancel clear!”- my favorite way of deleting whatever negative thought I say/think- I decided to shift my experience. I started by saying, “I am having crabbiness.” I repeated it a few times. What that did first of all, was help me to acknowledge the crabbiness with nothing attached to it. It was simply what I was experiencing in that moment. A temporary feeling that I accepted and let myself express. The more I owned it as a temporary state, the more it began to dissipate.
Every time I wanted to blame something or someone for my mood, I pulled myself out of victim, took my power back, and simply stated again that I was having the crabbiness. Without attachment.
The next step was to choose what I wanted instead; remember the power of choice. I chose to feel calm and at peace.
As I continued to do this, eventually, the crabbiness completely disappeared. This wasn’t immediate, nor did I feel completely calm right away, but I kept choosing it and I kept releasing waves of crabbiness when they would come up. Acknowledge, and release.
I also had to remind myself who was in charge in my reality: my conscious aware self, or my emotions. I chose my conscious aware self.
Now listen, all that being said, sometimes you’re straight up angry or sad for a very specific reason and you need to process that. In those cases, allow yourself to feel the emotion fully and vent everything going on in a responsible way, so that ultimately you can release the pain below the emotion. (See previous blogs on emotional healing)
Why I write a lot about things like this, is because I want you to be more empowered throughout your day, not just when you’re sitting down to ground yourself. I want you to feel like you have the power to shift whatever is going on in your reality, because you do!
So, if it appeals to you, play with this concept this week. Allow anything negative to be fleeting, so that you can focus on and create, more of what you desire.
I think sometimes in my blogs I come across as always being very calm and levelheaded. To bust open that curtain, that is not the truth at all. While I can be calm and levelheaded, I’m also quite fiery. I can have a short fuse sometimes in regard to anger. I try to be as responsible as I can with my anger, which means not throwing it harmfully at others.
I bring this up now because last week, not only was I furious at the injustice of politicians who try to skirt democracy, but also because fear has been, and continues to be, super high in the world, and especially in the United States. And what do most people do when they're afraid? They get angry.
Yes, I teach you how to create from an empowered place, and simultaneously, we’re human so emotions are going to be hot sometimes. You cannot deny them, you have to own them and work through them.
Since anger’s been coming up a lot lately in sessions, and many of you have asked, here are the tools I use to work through/release it:
First, anger itself isn’t bad. You have to get over that notion. It’s how you express it that can be healthy, or incinerating and detrimental.
Maybe you grew up in a household where one parent, or both, were always angry and fighting. Maybe because of that, you either decided to never be angry (which can lead to depression or passive aggressive behavior), or you go full force with yours. If you’re a woman, you may have been taught that it wasn’t ladylike to be angry or that good girls aren’t angry. Any of these scenarios make anger bad and wrong and can lead to health issues if suppressed, or relationship issues if overly expressed in harmful ways.
Before I give techniques, be wise. If your anger is out of control and harmful to yourself or others, get professional help. I’m speaking in this blog to those who want to learn how to responsibly release anger, not those who fear they could do something violent.
That being said, here are some techniques. You may like different ones at different times; find what works best for you. And this is by far not a complete list. I don’t purport to be an expert, just someone who has worked through tons of her own anger and rage.
1: Go into a Rage Bubble.
Personally, this is my favorite technique and one that works brilliantly for me. When I’m angry, I go into rage bubble. Through that technique, I can say and release what I need, in a safe way for all.
I have that technique on my resource page, but here it is as well.
2: Writing It Out:
Writing is another favorite. Whether venting in a journal or writing a hate letter.
~ If you journal it, you can burn the papers after if it’ll give you satisfaction, but it’s not necessary. Sometimes I’ve waited until my journal is full to shred or destroy the energy contained within.
You need to be real and honest with yourself when writing. If you find yourself editing what you want to say, stop. Show yourself the truth. No one else will ever see what you’ve written. This technique is not for re-reading or showing yourself in a good light; it is fully for release.
~ As for the hate letter, this is based on a Lazaris technique:
Write out on a piece of paper all of your hatred and rage towards someone. Handwriting versus typed is important. When you’re done, put the page/pages away for 24 hours. The next day, re-read what you’ve written and add more venom if you need. Get all the ugly, stuck emotions out. If you’re satisfied, skip ahead. If you’ve added more, then wait 24 hours again to re-read. Keep this re-read/add/wait cycle going until you’ve said all there is to say, then burn the pages and release the rage and anger. The key is to write until you’ve fully expelled it all. Every crack and crevice of pain coming up in this moment. It doesn’t mean you won’t need to do another round in the future, it means that for now, you’re complete and ready/willing to let it go.
3: Physical Release:
~ Take a pillow and beat the snot out of your bed/couch while verbally expressing what has you so angry. Release everything pent up in your body. You can go for a run/do strenuous exercise as well, but make sure you also give the anger a voice. The speaking of it is a critical component.
~ Throw a private temper tantrum. Yes, you read that right. We’ve been seeing a lot of public temper tantrums lately, but that’s just a person’s negative ego being in control. To release in a healthy way, means you listen to your, most likely, inner child. Let them say why they’re so mad/triggered. Let them vent by you literally going somewhere private and stomping your feet and silent screaming. Let your inner child have full freedom to vent for a few minutes. Then pull yourself together, come back to being an adult, and handle what’s in front of you from a place of calm empowerment.
I am really good at disappearing into a bathroom if my inner child gets triggered. I do what I told you above, and when I come back to the situation at hand, I speak clearly and with adult wisdom. At some point soon I’ll teach you more in regard to the inner child, but for now, that part of you exists. Give her/him a voice so they don’t control your actions/behavior. (You can journal with them or bring them into a meditation or rage bubble as well to work through childhood issues.)
4: Body Release:
Sometimes that anger is trapped in the body and needs a more physical approach to release it. You can use EFT (or tapping), you can try EMDR, sound healing- anything that you’ll use consistently to work through the places where the rage/anger is stored in your body.
It's smart to hire a practioner who specializes in one of the fields above, especially when the anger is intense. You don’t want to just manage your anger; you want to release the patterns and blocked energy so that you can consciously choose in any moment how to handle the emotions that arise. You want to stay present to your feelings, not become reactive or fall into behaviors from childhood/adolescence.
The key with all of these is to do them consciously without splatting your rage on everyone else.
If you feel yourself getting worked up, stop and leave the room/conversation. If you can’t leave, breathe and focus on your feet. Anger can shoot you out of body, you have to come back in, in present time.
Do not respond by lashing out. Don’t send off that text/email. Write a rough draft of what you really want to say, and then walk away without sending it. Sit with it. BE an adult. Not a reactive, petulant child.
Ask yourself if what you want to say is empowering and needs to be said, or if it’s just the judging, vindictive, cruel part that wishes others harm. Beware the righteous anger that says you have a right to explode your rage at others. That’s pure negative ego and a complete lack of personal responsibility.
Just because you’ve been hurt, doesn’t give you the right to hurt others.
Know the difference between anger that motivates you to better yourself/the world, and anger that is you emotionally throwing up on another.
Also, you have to be willing to look at the root cause of your anger. Maybe it’s feeling a lack of control, or a need to control, or maybe it’s feeling unsafe. You have to be willing to excavate those places and your childhood wounds to really be able to handle it responsibly.
Back to my fury I mentioned in the beginning; I didn’t need to do a huge process around it because I’ve worked with my anger enough that I can move through it quickly. What I did was to take my power back; to disconnect from the fear and rage that gets amped up by the media. I put all of my attention and power into what I do want to see. Into the world I am creating and imagining. I transmuted that anger into positive action, versus sitting in a sense of powerlessness or darkness.
The more you work through your anger, the freer you'll be. The world needs more cooperative calm and less emotional reactivity. In any moment, the choice is yours. Be responsible with your rage to help heal the world.
Anxiety has been surfacing more for me lately and so I decided to have a talk with it. Turns out it’s telling me I’m not doing it “right,” and that there’s not enough time.
Hmmmm... perfection and lack- hello old friends; I know them well. They crop up every so often.
However, perfection doesn’t play out for me in typical ways. I’m pretty messy emotionally; I’m fine with anger, rage, sadness- the full spectrum. I can be real with what I feel. My home can be cluttered in areas; I don’t need it to be perfect. I have no problem showing up places without makeup and being comfortable - YET, if there’s an event where I know I’ll be photographed, my hair has to be just so. I judge myself mercilessly. Same with when I was acting and auditioning: there was a fine line as to when I felt acceptable and when I felt ugly. Yes- strong word because it’s true.
It also plays out in subtle ways of not doing enough or as if I need to acquire more and more information to do it “perfectly”- whatever that “it” may be. And because it can be subtle for me, I don’t always catch that that’s what’s going on.
I’ve recently started challenging these core beliefs, not that I haven’t worked on them thoroughly before, yet clearly there’s something going on during this time of intense astrological energies and Covid lockdown, as my friends and many of you, are finding deep, deep issues coming back up to finally be cleared out back to their core.
The thing about perfection is that it's such a static energy, it stalls you and completely blocks your creativity. If you’re trying to do it “perfectly,” you may never create at all. You certainly won’t take risks for fear of what will happen if you fall short. You may always feel small and not voice the truth of who you are. It is a huge hindrance to freedom.
For some of you, perfection plays out in being afraid of what others will think. The perfection becomes a terror of embarrassment or humiliation, therefore you need to look and act perfectly to be acceptable. You may even impose those high standards on your loved ones, expecting them to act and behave perfectly as well (this is called control).
Perfection is exhausting, it definitely drains you because you can’t be real. You may not feel safe if you appear less than perfect.
As for not enough, this is a sure-fire way to know your negative ego is involved as it loves to whisper that lie to you. If you always feel that you’re not enough or that there's not enough, again you’ll hide, you won’t pursue your dreams, you’ll defer to others, and if the lack is extra strong in regard to objects, you’ll become stingy because that lack mentality will make you want to hold on to everything (hording toilet paper anyone?).
For me, not enough time is how my negative ego likes to stress me out. So then I get anxious and don’t use the time I do have wisely. Vicious cycle, right? When I can catch it, it’s a totally different story. I use time wisely and definitely have extra of it.
How many of you have held yourselves back thinking you’re not enough to pursue this or attain that? I can pretty much guarantee that even hugely successful people have felt that way. The key is, they didn’t let it stop them. They moved forward despite that feeling.
Ask yourself how perfect you need to be, to be enough.*
These issues don’t play out constantly, they can be insidious and come up when you least expect them. Which is why awareness is key. The awareness to say, “Not this time!”
Sometimes easy, sometimes not.
This is when you need more tools for your spiritual tool belt.
As soon as you realize it, you can change it. Some things that help are:
Bottom line- take your power back from these faulty ideas of perfection and not being good enough. You in PRESENT time have the power. Not the past, not the future. You. Here. Now.
Which reminds me of a great and simple technique my dear friend Holly Higgins uses whenever she can tell she’s out of present time and stuck in an issue:
You ask yourself, “Where am I?”
And you answer, “Here.”
Then you ask yourself, “What time is it?”
And you answer, “Now.”
Seemingly simple but boy does it work.
I know I’m not the only one who’s had perfection and enoughness surface lately, so instead of fighting them and trying to ignore them, talk to them, give them voice, and then turn them over to your Higher Self to be healed and released. And if all else fails, then simply be with what is; that you’re feeling massive perfection and not good enough.
It’s time to show up powerfully and with your voice and your uniqueness. And if I didn’t write perfectly enough about perfection, that’s OK, I’m human ;)
* Nick Ortner posed this question in a guided tapping meditation.
I’ve been listening to many of you and I know the pain of loneliness is immense right now. So for those of you experiencing this, I’ve recorded a guided meditation to release the pain, to bring you back to a state of oneness, and to help you to see who you really are.
Part of transcending loneliness involves a greater depth of connection with yourself because as you see the truth of who you are, you realize you're never alone.
This meditation is also for those feeling disconnected in any way, or for those experiencing any isolating feelings such as grief or pain - anything that causes you to feel that no one is there for you.
May it help tremendously.
Music by J. Jessup
In 2005, Lazaris (a channeled entity) gave us a map for healing emotions called, "The Tiers of Emotion." It’s a process by which you climb the ladder of emotions from the most constrictive and heavy, to the most light and freeing. It’s a tool for acknowledging and healing what you’re feeling in order to raise your emotional vibration. Some of you may be familiar with the Abraham-Hicks Emotional Guidance scale. It’s very similar to the Lazaris one: slight differences, same concept.
The Tiers of Emotion©
Happiness & Wonder
Passion & Compassion
Trust & Hope
Boredom & Impatience
Frustration & Confusion
Worry & Doubt
Guilt & Sadness
How to use:
Whenever you’re in the throes of an emotion, look at the scale and determine where you are. Name the feeling. Naming it helps you to own it.
The key is not to judge where you are emotionally, but to accept it: don’t see the emotion as bad or wrong. When you can accept and own what you’re feeling, then you’re able to give it a voice in order to more easily move through it. Plus, in owning it, you release your resistance to feeling it.
Simply state for example, “Right now I feel despair.”
Now you have to feel the emotion; let yourself go there fully. You can only heal emotions by diving into them completely. What is the despair about? Feel it, experience it, vent it. You can talk about it to yourself or write about it; go fully in. This doesn’t have to take long, but you do need to honor what it’s trying to express.
When you’ve released the despair thoroughly, you can climb the ladder to either loneliness or rage. As you climb, you can only do so one or two steps at a time; never more than two. Why? Because you wouldn’t be able to authentically jump vibrations faster. If you tried, you’d be denying the truth of what each step is trying to show you. Plus, if you’re truly in a rage, there is no way you could jump immediately to optimism. That is why the statement, “Just be positive!” can be discounting of what you’re experiencing.
Back to our example: let’s say loneliness really doesn’t resonate with you but oh, rage does. And remember, rage isn't always loud, sometimes it can be silent; a rage that’s so powerful there are no words. That rage can play out in apathy or exhaustion.
So now at rage, vent it. What about this situation/experience causes rage? Feel it fully.
When it’s complete, climb to the next emotion, and maybe it’s blame. Within blame is sense of powerlessness- "it’s their fault." This is also where you may find your victim story, your feelings of righteousness against others, or maybe self-blame. Whatever comes up, delve into it.
Now be aware that as you excavate emotions, you may hear a voice saying for example, that blame isn’t enlightened or whatever other excuses it comes up with. Do not listen. That is the ego mind trying to stop you from diving deep into the feeling to clear it. This scale is designed to heal the emotions. Get out of your head and into your feelings.
In the lower tier, blame is a numbing agent. We sometimes stay stuck there to not feel our other emotions, especially the rage, loneliness and despair below it. Just be conscious that if you start there, make sure you aren’t denying a deeper emotion.
As you climb, once you’ve released hurt or fear, you can leap to the middle tier, into anger. Even though anger may feel heavy, it’s a much lighter vibration than rage or jealousy etc. If you’re not feeling anger and you cleared fear, you can go to pessimism. Honor what’s true for you; again, one or two steps at a time.
In the 2nd tier, self-pity is the numbing agent. Similar to blame, it’s a place where powerlessness and your victim story can thrive. If you feel self-pity first, check if you’re avoiding what’s below it. And maybe you’re not, maybe self-pity truly is what you feel. If so, go into the “poor me” feelings you have. Self-denial, and the, “it’s fine” when it’s really not, hides here as does overwhelm, refusing to receive, and self-punishment.
In the 2nd tier, some of the emotions have two names; see which is most true for you in the moment. Maybe you’re not feeling sadness but you sure feel guilt. Or maybe worry is what you can tap into versus doubt. It’ll change depending on the situation so honor the truth of the moment.
As you climb into the upper tier, you need to stop at well-being first. Now, that might be as far as you can go on a certain day. That’s fantastic, at least you raised your resonance high enough to get up there. If you can keep going, wonderful, if you can’t, feel into well-being/contentment and just let that live in you.
On a side note, apropos to right now, if you’re feeling anxiety that could mean you have too much energy in the future, or it could also be the denial of an emotion. For today’s discussion, let’s excavate the emotion: most likely it’s fear. What fear are you not acknowledging? Go to fear on the tier, and dive into it. When you’re done, climb up to anger and see if maybe what you’re really angry at is that you don’t feel safe, or that your safety is being threatened.
It may not always be fear, but the majority of the time that's what’s below the anxiety. It could also be worry, or anger: it could be the denial of a myriad of emotions. Feel into the anxiety and see what it wants to say. And if you get no response, start with fear.
Back to the Tiers, there is one addition I would add that while not in the Lazaris version, it is in Abraham-Hicks one: on the upper tier, along with love are the emotions of joy and appreciation. While there are subtle differences in those energies, ultimately joy and appreciation open the heart the way love does. They are incredibly high resonances. So if you can’t tap into love, tap into joy or appreciation.
The more you use this ladder to climb from wherever you are on the bottom to the top, the more elegantly you'll process and move through your emotions. Some days it may take awhile to climb, and other days you’ll be able to climb up quite quickly. Allow this to be a powerful tool you can add to your tool belt to help you release the constricting emotions holding you down so that you can raise your energy and vibration to experience a more joyful reality.
To download a copy of The Tiers of Emotion, click below:
Thank You to Concept Synergy for allowing me to share this with you all!
Tiers of Emotion by Lazaris, Copyright 2005, Concept: Synergy, Inc.
The Lazaris Material is produced by Concept: Synergy, PO Box 1789, Sonoma, CA 95476
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Me, Tina Germain, just sharing ways to make you the best you can be!