The idea of turning your attention on yourself first has such a bad rap, as if sacrifice is so godly and good. We’ve been taught this idea since the time we were little. We’re made to feel guilty if, heaven forbid, we say no to someone because we need some down time to rest.
All this does is exhaust you and make you feel resentful.
While some men may hear this, women get pounded with the messages: “be a good girl, be a good person, give, give, give, don’t be selfish, it’s better to give than receive.” Basically, give until you have nothing left to give- then you are saintly.
But are you really? Personally, I think then you are depleted, bitter, and angry, and you have no inner serenity. Especially when you give out of a sense of duty and obligation.
I was talking to a client recently and helped her to shift perspective on the idea of being self-centered. What if instead of it being a bad thing, we view it as Self centered; meaning centered into your Self?
When you can pull your energy into your core, into the center of you, and respond to and move about your day from there, then you can be much more present and empowered. The opposite of that is feeling scattered and at the effect of everything/everyone around you.
To take it a step further, centering into yourSelf means self-care is your priority. You put the oxygen mask on first before helping others.
I was sharing this concept with my friend Holly who added that the capital “S” self is the more of you; meaning the greater, expansive, soul you, while the lower case “s” in self-centered is the ego self.
I find that if I take care of my needs first, then I am of better assistance/service to others. I’ve spent decades doing the opposite and it was not good for my health- emotional or physical- or for my peace of mind.
Because I’m human and not perfect, (Whaaaaat?!) sometimes I fall into old habits of accommodating. When that happens, the sooner I catch it, the more quickly I can rectify and change it. Forgiveness is key during those times, not self-judgment. That’s more lower case “s.”
Yes, some people may get mad at you. Some people may say you’re mean, uncaring, or the dreaded word - selfish - for not helping them/responding to them immediately. To that I say, too bad. That’s their perspective. You know the truth of yourSelf and what you need. Would you rather have boundaries and be healthy or have everyone think you’re so good and nice, and be completely depleted?
It’s OK not to be liked sometimes. It’s more than OK to say no. If you don’t put yourself first, who will?
Right now, put both hands over your heart, bring all your energy and awareness into that space, and say, “I love you Self. I love mySelf.” Feel into the space of Self-love. Center yourSelf into your heart. Then ask what you need in this moment, and give it to yourSelf.
The more you honor your wants and needs first, the more others will honor what you say as well because you’re in integrity with yourself. Do this daily and you will become unstoppable because you will be so rooted and strongly centered in your Self, that you’ll more fully embody your value, your confidence, and the fact that you really do matter. Because by the way, you most certainly do.
Lately my introverted self has needed extra quiet, extra down time, and simultaneously, extra order; cleaning out closets, cupboards, the pantry- anything to bring order to the chaos I feel in the world and in my nervous system.
I’m a hermit by nature, you’d think I’d love this pause. But I value and love my freedom most and do not like it restricted at all. That being said, I'm getting much better at acceptance (see #11 below).
Ultimately do I think things will work out for the best?
Do I have a positive vision for the future?
Do I know this is the growing pains of a new world?
I also know- we all chose to be born for this: this monumental time in history where we are writing a new script: initiating new ways of being, rising to new levels of consciousness. It hasn’t been done before, thus no Mayan calendar, no predictions; it’s new. And together we are creating it. Exciting? Very. And sometimes not so fun to go through with all the necessary destruction of what we know, both good and bad, to make way for the new.
It’s not about the virus- it’s about clearing out the old. Giving the earth a much needed reprieve. Re-setting priorities. Shifting our relationships with each other and the world. Can we do that? Yes. Can it be elegant? I sure hope so. I don’t want a new reality of extreme caution, limited mobility, and staying away from each other. That to me would be a nightmare. If you believe in past lives, we chose the nightmare in Atlantis and it was destroyed. We don’t need to create that again.
So together, let’s dream this new world the way we want it to be: people communicating respectfully and engaging in dialogue versus dogma. The end of racism and vast economic disparity. People honoring Mother Earth by being conscious of their impact with more recycling, the oceans being cleaned up, and forests being expanded versus destroyed. Women being respected and treated as equals, the end of fathers forcing their daughters into marriage at an early age, and readily accessible education for all children. These are just some of my dreams for the world, I have many!
And in the meantime, if some days are super rough because you feel all the intensity and chaos acutely, then disconnect and do something nurturing to heal. Here are some of the things that work best for me, hopefully they inspire you!
1: Grounding myself. Yes that’s my normal anyway, but when I’m spinning, if I can ground and connect deeply to the planet, I can breathe again.
2: Speaking of breathing- deep belly breaths. Deep, in your abdomen, full breaths. It calms the nervous system.
3: Being in the moment. Not in the future or the past. Looking around and noticing present time and really taking it in.
4: Solitude. Turning off the phone and just disconnecting from the world.
5: Epsom Salt Baths. They’re a godsend to clear your space and calm your system.
6: Appreciation. Being in appreciation is key to raising your energy. Plus it feels so good to focus on what you appreciate.
I have a guided meditation from a previous blog here if you want to be in that energy more.
7: Being creative. In whatever form it takes: coloring, cooking, gardening, even re-organizing your closet can be creative. The possibilities are endless.
8: Going on walks. It’s been imperative to be outside and be in nature.
9: Reading a book. I’m doing very limited social media, very limited news, not even binging much TV. Reading can be very calming.
10: Chanting. The word “Om” really calms your system when you’re overloaded.
11: Surrender and Patience. Perhaps the most difficult but I remind myself that I can’t control this. I can’t fight it either, although sometimes I do. And when I do, I release my frustrations in healthy ways without judgment, so that ultimately I can accept it and allow it to teach me what I most need. It's necessary to surrender my need for answers and outcomes and have patience with what is. There's tremendous power in the unknown; some days I simply need to remind myself that. After all, it’s not about me. It’s not about you. It’s about creating a new world and that takes time.
We’re all in this together and together we’re going succeed this time. Let’s choose that now!
As Chani Nicholas says, “You were born for this!”
Humanity is creating a new world, a new level of consciousness. This is what the Age of Aquarius is about. We are definitely in the unchartered of the new world, and as such, the old ways are crumbling. Ultimately for the good of all; even as the world dismantles, dramatically so recently.
We’re all searching for answers because answers make things a little less scary but at the end of the day, we don’t know anything. We can speculate, we can guess, we can hope, but we don’t know. And the unknown is scary to most people.
Many of you are exhausted; allow yourself to sleep as much as needed. Disconnect when the energy is too intense. Like a cell phone, you all need to recharge as well. And your batteries are being drained dealing with the intense fear and panic energies on the planet.
So stop. Rest. Don’t make plans if you’re overwhelmed. You really can’t anyway so just surrender. Stop fighting what is.
There’s power in the unknown if you can stop, and quit trying to find answers. Create them instead. Focus as much as you can on what you do want in the new world, in your new world. Trust yourself, trust your inner guidance.
Remember, you’re a powerful creator or you wouldn’t have chosen to incarnate at this time.
Your light is needed more than ever. And, you need to step back when you’re running low to take care of you.
Now, let’s have fun this week!
I was drawn to picking Oracle cards for you all. Six decks jumped out with messages. I was actually shocked at what came through; the messages were spot on. I connected to each of your Higher Selves as I drew the cards, knowing the perfect card would go to the right person.
So, right now, close your eyes, center yourself, and ask your Higher Self to give you the message that you most need to hear. Then pick a number between 1 and 6.
Write me back with your number and I’ll send you the card and write up corresponding to your number.
Let’s see what the Universe wants to say to you!
With Thanksgiving coming tomorrow, whether you are with or without family, whether that makes you happy or sad, this is a time for self-love. Holidays can easily trigger old wounds so it is vitality important to give yourself what you need to cope.
Earlier this year a question came to me and I use it almost daily to dictate my actions, or lack there of. I want you to use it this weekend:
“How can I best love and support myself today?”
Ask this question each morning and be open to the response that comes. For this weekend specifically, maybe allowing yourself to step away from the table during a highly charged political debate is the best self-care, maybe smiling with a simple, “why do you ask?” when you don’t want to respond to a personal question, or even saying “no” to something that you really don’t want to do. You might need to step away and meditate more often, or even cut a visit short that becomes uncomfortable. However you can best love and support yourself is your assignment for the week. And if someone doesn’t like the boundaries of self-care that you set, that’s their issue, not yours. It is not your job to fix and make things better for everyone else while sacrificing yourself. You can set boundaries gently and with kindness, there’s no need to be mean, but you have a right to have a love filled weekend that involves doing nice things for yourself.
So have a very Happy Thanksgiving filled with incredible self-nurturing and self-love. You deserve it.
It seems a lot of people are having a rough time right now. The chaos and intensity are high and it can be easy to get swept up in the collective stress of the world, in addition to any personal trauma and crisis you are going through. Here are some tools to help you take your power back and heal.
-I love Bach remedy Elm. Elm helps with overwhelm. I cannot recommend it enough. Mix it with Bach Rescue Remedy if you need extra support. 4 drops each in a glass of water, chug, then 4 drops each again & sip the next glass.
-Ground yourself. Get yourself into present time and breathe. Call your energy back to the now moment and back to you. Read last week’s blog if you need help with this.
-Honor where you’re at. Don’t try to rush into feeling better. If you’re angry, express that. Throw a tantrum. Go into a rage bubble & vent it out (technique on the “client” page)- honor where you are without judgment. Your feelings are valid, do not discount them nor try to ignore or dismiss them. If you are especially dark, give yourself 20 minutes, set a timer, and dive into the self-pity, rage, grief, etc., and vent it out fully.
-Balance your chakras. It will help you see and respond to the world more clearly, while releasing blockages in your space. I'll be releasing a technique soon, in the meantime, two that I highly recommend are on the "favorites" page.
-Be in nature. Nature has a way of calming your Soul and soothing your Spirit. It connects you to the elements and helps you be present. Plus beauty is a profound healer.
-Take time off, to just be. Stay in your pjs, disconnect from social media, watch a movie, read a book, just stop all doing for others and do for you. I know you Moms can’t accomplish this as easily as others but try to take some time for yourself. You’ll be better for it.
-Be creative. It’ll stimulate a different part of your brain and calm your nerves. Do whatever calls you. You aren’t trying to be Monet or Beethoven, just make art or even color in a coloring book.
-Take a social media hiatus. Studies have shown that social media can exacerbate feelings of depression, anxiety, and stress so instead of comparing your life to what you see on FB, step away. Or certainly limit your time there. Turn your focus back to you.
-Limit how much time you spend watching/reading the news. It is designed to instill “fear! panic! outrage!” Step back. You can’t be of assistance to the world if you are roiling in anger and fear.
-Stop multitasking. If you are, for example, scrolling your phone, while watching TV, you are creating anxiety in your space. Multitasking scatters your energy, causes your system stress, and knocks you out of alignment with yourself. Stop! Focus on one task at a time. Pull your energy into what’s in front of you.
-Exercise. It doesn't have to be big, it can be a simple walk, just move your body. You'll release all those pent up emotions and energies.
These are things that help tremendously. Anything can change in your reality, nothing is set in stone, life can turn on a dime. Honor what’s going on with you and remember you aren’t powerless to change it, but you do need to step away from life sometimes. Put yourself first because you matter and you won’t do anyone any good if you burn out in overwhelm and meltdown. Put the oxygen mask on for yourself, before helping others!!!
Me, just sharing ways to make you the best you can be!