Everything comes down to your worth: what you think you’re worthy of. You will receive in direct proportion to how worthy you feel.
Your priorities are based on your worth: are you worthy of your dreams coming true? If so, you’ll make the time to create that which you desire. If not, as Marie Forleo says, “you’ll make excuses.”
Your worth is seen in the people you attract; especially romantic partners. If you don’t feel worthy of love, you’ll attract someone unavailable, distant, maybe someone who uses you or just doesn’t give you what you need. At the worst, you'll attract someone abusive.
Your worth shows in your health; do you care for your body and feed it healthy things, or do you punish/ignore/drive it?
Your worth shows in your self-care; do you care how you look and nurture yourself with niceties or do you think, “why bother?”
Your worth shows in how you’re treated at work. Are you respected, or ignored? Or worse, ridiculed?
Your worth shows in your finances; are you well compensated for the work you do, or do you allow yourself to be undervalued? Are you wise with your financial decisions, or do you spend/lose money constantly, thus keeping you in debt?
Your worth shows in the circumstances/people you attract into your life. Do you attract things/people that elevate your happiness and bring you joy, or are you mired in negativity and surrounded on all sides by unhappy people and circumstances?
Worth starts with you. No one can wave a wand and magically bestow worth on you. You need to own and claim it. It’s there, available for you. Only you can decide to receive and live it.
You may have been taught that you’re unworthy- that’s a lie by people too enmeshed in their own pain and shame to see the truth. Or by people who desired to control you and make you more easily follow what they said. Whatever “authority” figure told you that, they’re wrong; plain and simple. Do not believe them and keep living in your own pain. Rise above and claim your worth.
Everything comes back to worth- everything.
So right now, put your hands over your heart, close your eyes, feel into the center of yourself, breath and connect to you. When you’re ready, open your eyes and say to yourself:
“I am worthy.”
“I am worthy of love.”
“I am worthy of happiness.”
“I am worthy of financial wealth.”
“I am worthy of radiant health.”
“I am worthy of my dreams coming true.”
“I am worthy of ease and grace.”
“I am worthy of laughter and joy.”
“I am worthy of being loved and cherished.”
“I am worthy of pleasure.”
“I am worthy of freedom.”
“I am worthy of being heard.”
“I am worthy of being seen.”
“I am worthy of that job/promotion/raise.”
“I am worthy of nice things.”
“I am worthy of trustworthy friends and associates.”
"I am worthy of relaxation and inner peace."
“I am worthy of Divine assistance.”
"I am worthy of miracles."
“I am worthy of __________”- (fill in the blank with what you most want)
“I am worthy, simply because I am!”
Now repeat this daily.
Print it, and post it on your bathroom mirror.
Say it with conviction.
Claim what is rightfully yours.
You are absolutely worthy- own that!!!
Print out for your mirror:
This blog was intended to go out around the 4th of July, but the Dark and Light Shadows took precedence. So even though it’s belated, let’s talk about freedom.
You are only as free as you allow yourself to be. And you can always be freer.
What I mean is that when you look at the stories you tell about your life and the people in it, do they expand your freedom or contract it?
I recently looked at a story I had been telling about myself for years. Through a series of insights, I really began to acknowledge that my words were allowing the story to continue. To have the new reality I so desperately longed for, I needed to write a new story. So I did- literally. I wrote it out.
Then I began visualizing it and making it real in the now. I see the outcome, feel the feelings of success, and focus on that daily. I also verbally only speak what I expect and want to see; as if it’s a done deal. And I feel happy when I think about it.
It’s mine. I’m actively creating/allowing/receiving it now.
I know these tools; they’ve helped me create brilliant miracles before, but I had forgotten. I forgot that I don’t have to put up with a hindrance to my freedom. That I can take my power back by seeing it differently, by telling a different story about it, by speaking new words. I have the creative power. After all, since I create my reality, why create more pain from an old wound?
Yes, I did need to do another round of forgiveness work to release it; towards myself, the other, and the situation. I had done a ton so it was easy to forgive the hurtle that was blocking me. If you haven’t done previous forgiveness work, then I remind you that forgiveness is key!
To change anything, you need to forgive yourself and everything/everyone involved. Look- it’s not always easy and sometimes you need to process through a myriad of emotions first, but ultimately, forgiveness is the gift you give yourself. They’re not suffering, you are. They’re not in jail, you are. Give yourself that freedom.
As I was writing this, I looked up to see a red dragonfly perched near my garden. I have never seen one before. I looked up the symbolism: courage, strength, and happiness.
There’s that word again from a few weeks ago: courage. Can you be courageous enough to forgive and allow yourself greater freedom? Can you be courageous enough to imagine something better for yourself and then take action by actively putting the pieces into motion?
This week, focus on the freedom to. You know what you want to be free from, but what do you want to create? What would bring expanse and joy into your reality? Take the time to imagine it and then do something concrete to bring it into being. A new world is being birthed, don’t forget to birth yourself new as well.
We dove into the dark shadow- now how about the light?
Interestingly, the light can be as scary for some as the dark is for others. Some of you are hardwired to look at what’s not working. And you fix it and you work it, and you fix it some more. You’re always willing to look at your faults and what’s not working. You’re incredibly familiar with your shame and your anger etc. Yes, you may still have stuff in your shadow, but you consistently work at bettering yourself.
Now if I ask you about your beauty, your greatness, your gifts and talents, your generosity of spirit, your compassionate heart, or your light, you may dismiss it or deny it. You may want to believe it’s there, but it doesn’t feel right to claim it. Or you may truly think that there’s just so much wrong with you that you have no light.
Either way, all of that goodness is in the shadow. It is just as powerful to excavate the light shadow as it is the dark.
Try this for a moment, say this statement and let me know if it triggers you: “I am magnificent.”
Be aware if your negative ego wants to jump in and take it to the whole extreme of, “Oh yes, I am completely magnificent,” said with arrogance. That’s not what I’m talking about. I mean true ownership of your magnificence and light. You may giggle and think that’s silly- “Ok Tina sure, I’m magnificent.” Said with an eye roll.
Yes, you are. Can you own that?
Can you own your magnificence? Can you own who you are beyond this body? Can you truly own the light of you?
I tell you all the time to be the light, but if you refuse to acknowledge your own light, how can you bring more of the light into the world?
Let’s try this, look in the mirror. No excuses, pick up your reading device and walk to a mirror. Are you resisting me? Good- then you need this more than ever. Look yourself in the eyes, acknowledge yourself, and say:
“I see you. I see your light. I see your love. You are beautiful.”
That might be phenomenally difficult for some of you and it may even evoke tears or wanting to turn away. But it’s time to acknowledge it. And did you even do the exercise, or dismiss me outright and ignore what I asked of you? If so, you just got a big answer.
There’s so much darkness that we’re seeing in the world and yes absolutely we need to heal our own dark, but if we only heal our dark, we are lopsided if we don’t simultaneously bring forth and acknowledge the truth of our beauty, love, magnificence, joy, etc.
Remember, only the light can heal the darkness. Which means- only your light can heal your darkness. Sit with that.
Sometimes we shove aside the light to protect it, especially those who grew up in difficult or abusive households. But as I said last week, there are gradients to everything and it doesn’t take an overtly abusive household to make one hide their light. There’s also a lot of societal messages about not standing out and tamping down your light/uniqueness or, you may have heard, “who do you think you are?”- in relation to what makes you wonderfully you.
As you own your light, I’m not saying you suddenly have to be visible to everybody, but you do need to be visible to yourself. You need to be willing to see your magnificence. To tap into that and let that expand.
Again I say, in order to be the light, you need to actually be willing to see your light. Without caveat, without diminishing it or limiting how much you’ll see.
What about you is filled with light? Take a peek this week and pull it out of the shadow and into your consciousness. The world is waiting.
I had a blog about freedom for this week, but a topic came up glaringly this past weekend and I wanted to address it now.
There are so many more conspiracy theories going around. Again I ask: do you choose to believe them and feel powerless, or do you choose to find the deeper lessons in this global reprieve and own your power on a more profound level?
Conspiracy theories help make sense of what feels out of control. We are birthing a new world. It is unknown, therefore not something we can control. That’s scary. It makes sense to think bad people are doing this to you. Yet, “if you make someone the villain, then you’ve made yourself the victim.”*
If you believe there are dark forces out there, maybe it’s time to do some deep shadow work on your own dark. As the world is excavating its collective shadow, you need to excavate yours.
I tell you to be the light, but it’s not all rainbows and unicorns. There is darkness and ugliness on this planet. We live in a duality- the lightest light and the darkest dark.
You have to heal yourself FIRST, and that means looking at your own dark: your rage, your fears, your prejudices, your entitlements, etc. Do you forgive, or only when it’s convenient? Do you have compassion, or only with people who think like you?
Healing those first helps you be more of the light.
You are no victim. In any scenario you can control your response, thoughts, actions, and beliefs. That is creating your reality.
Let’s talk more about your shadow, because I’m doing a disservice if you don’t realize you have one.
We all have a light and dark shadow: the things we shove aside and don’t want to look at or deal with. In the dark shadow are, as I said above, your rage, your control, manipulation, self-pity, shame, etc. Now you may be aware of these and are actively working to overcome them. If so, great, they’re no longer in your shadow. The shadow holds what you don’t want to, or refuse to, look at.
Here’s an example: let’s say for Sally it’s easy to cry, that’s a safe emotion. She was taught to never be angry or maybe she saw an angry relative and vowed to never be like them. So whenever she gets angry, she cries. Or she smiles sweetly and either apologizes for getting upset, or acts as if everything is fine. All three of those options discount the truth that she’s furious and can’t acknowledge that. Where does the fury go? Into her shadow.
Vowing to, “not be like them,” either an angry family member or another authority figure, only holds that emotion like glue in your space.
Left unexpressed, the shadow gains in strength. Then Sally worries that if she were ever to express anger, it would be so ugly and destructive, that it's better to keep suppressing it. At some point, either she may become depressed, or have no motivation and be resentful. Maybe she does lose it and destroys her relationships, or more terribly, an illness gets created.
On the opposite side of that, let’s say Sally, in her anger suppression, is super sugary sweet and says she can’t even hurt a fly. She is so out of touch with herself that while she may not overtly hurt you, check your back for a knife. Again- shadow. She can’t show anger but boy will she harm you covertly given the chance.
Here’s another example: Joe was taught the opposite of Sally, that’s it’s manly to be angry and domineering but crying is weakness. So he goes through life getting more and more cut off from the people around him because he’s angry all the time. Through every loss, through all his fears, he can’t speak them because vulnerability is the enemy. He rages instead and pushes people away. Like Sally, the consequences could be severe, or seemingly benign yet filled with tremendous pain: a lonely, unfulfilled life, or, a seemingly successful life externally with all the trappings of success, yet without truly knowing love and inner peace.
Obviously there are gradients to how it plays out, the point is, a shadow unexpressed and unexplored is destructive and fodder for your negative ego. That which you shove aside both comes at you from the world and the people around you, and your negative ego will use it torment you. That’s actually a good place to look: what kinds of negative/upsetting situations do you continually find yourself in, and also, what is the nasty voice in your head telling you? You may get clues there as to what you’re not owning.
How many people do you know controlled by their anger or their martyring (sacrificing) themselves? Maybe they’re controlled by their need to control or their victimhood. The choices are endless, what controls you that you won’t look at? What’s the truth below it that’s waiting to be excavated?
You have to acknowledge and release your emotions, safely; i.e.: journal them, rage bubble them, take a pillow and beat the bed, go for a run while venting- you have to move them out.
Just like in the world, we’re all capable of the lightest light and the darkest dark. When you own that, it can’t have power over you. You know what you’re capable of and choose to respond responsibly and accordingly. And by the way, this is how you create greater self-trust and greater self-actualization. When you do that, you not only heal yourself, but you heal the world.
*Quote from Eileen McKusick
The idea of turning your attention on yourself first has such a bad rap, as if sacrifice is so godly and good. We’ve been taught this idea since the time we were little. We’re made to feel guilty if, heaven forbid, we say no to someone because we need some down time to rest.
All this does is exhaust you and make you feel resentful.
While some men may hear this, women get pounded with the messages: “be a good girl, be a good person, give, give, give, don’t be selfish, it’s better to give than receive.” Basically, give until you have nothing left to give- then you are saintly.
But are you really? Personally, I think then you are depleted, bitter, and angry, and you have no inner serenity. Especially when you give out of a sense of duty and obligation.
I was talking to a client recently and helped her to shift perspective on the idea of being self-centered. What if instead of it being a bad thing, we view it as Self centered; meaning centered into your Self?
When you can pull your energy into your core, into the center of you, and respond to and move about your day from there, then you can be much more present and empowered. The opposite of that is feeling scattered and at the effect of everything/everyone around you.
To take it a step further, centering into yourSelf means self-care is your priority. You put the oxygen mask on first before helping others.
I was sharing this concept with my friend Holly who added that the capital “S” self is the more of you; meaning the greater, expansive, soul you, while the lower case “s” in self-centered is the ego self.
I find that if I take care of my needs first, then I am of better assistance/service to others. I’ve spent decades doing the opposite and it was not good for my health- emotional or physical- or for my peace of mind.
Because I’m human and not perfect, (Whaaaaat?!) sometimes I fall into old habits of accommodating. When that happens, the sooner I catch it, the more quickly I can rectify and change it. Forgiveness is key during those times, not self-judgment. That’s more lower case “s.”
Yes, some people may get mad at you. Some people may say you’re mean, uncaring, or the dreaded word - selfish - for not helping them/responding to them immediately. To that I say, too bad. That’s their perspective. You know the truth of yourSelf and what you need. Would you rather have boundaries and be healthy or have everyone think you’re so good and nice, and be completely depleted?
It’s OK not to be liked sometimes. It’s more than OK to say no. If you don’t put yourself first, who will?
Right now, put both hands over your heart, bring all your energy and awareness into that space, and say, “I love you Self. I love mySelf.” Feel into the space of Self-love. Center yourSelf into your heart. Then ask what you need in this moment, and give it to yourSelf.
The more you honor your wants and needs first, the more others will honor what you say as well because you’re in integrity with yourself. Do this daily and you will become unstoppable because you will be so rooted and strongly centered in your Self, that you’ll more fully embody your value, your confidence, and the fact that you really do matter. Because by the way, you most certainly do.
Me, just sharing ways to make you the best you can be!