I’ve spoken about the power of forgiveness before and given techniques to facilitate that, but what exactly is forgiveness?
The dictionary defines forgiveness as “ceasing to feel resentment against.”
The Greater Good website says more specifically that it is, “a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve it.”
So given those two, very similar definitions, you can see why it’s such a powerful force.
A “conscious” act- it is a choice. A choice to release the past and move forward. And what does that do? It frees you up. It allows movement where previously there was stagnation or stuck energy. Where previously there was dark, the light can now enter. Where you were once a prisoner, you now have wings.
I will also add that it’s not just about resentments, sometimes it’s about “mistakes,” regrets, angers- anything you are holding onto and not releasing; towards yourself or others.
So why don’t we do it more often?
Well, sometimes we’re not aware that something needs forgiving; we just know we feel stuck. Other times, we hold those resentments etc. close to our hearts as protection against future pain or as the righteous indignation that “They did this to me and I am not letting them off the hook!” Ahhh, but who is really on the hook? Them? Think again.
That righteous anger may feel good, but where will it get you? Remember would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy? Sure, you can keep holding them accountable, and thereby making yourself the victim in your life. The danger there is believing your victim story, which then renders you to feeling powerless, and wallowing in self-pity or rage. Can love enter into those spaces? No it cannot.
If you say you want love and healing, you need to be willing to release those old places of refuge. Self-pity, victim, martyr, blame- they can feel like old friends, “Hey I know you!” To release them takes courage. To say, “I’ve hidden behind my blame because I’m afraid to truly let love in. I’m afraid it’ll hurt.” That’s step one: recognition and acknowledgement of your part.
Next step: choice; do I really need this? What purpose is it serving? Is it allowing, or preventing happiness and am I really ready to let this go? Once you answer those questions, then you make that choice. “Yes, I choose to release these resentments, or this pain, or this slight, etc.”
Final step: forgiveness. “I choose to release, I choose to be free. I am holding others accountable under the faulty pretense that they are holding me back but really, it’s me. I choose forgiveness.”
Remember, you can’t change what you won’t own within yourself. You need to take responsibility for everything in your life because it’s YOUR life! There is no they, there is only you. So give yourself the gift of freedom regardless of what’s going on with them and set yourself free. Forgive: everyone and everything, and especially yourself for allowing it on some level, even if it’s deeply unconscious.
The world is changing fast right now; give yourself the gift of forgiveness to step more fully into your greatest, actualized self.
(For further information and techniques about working with forgiveness, go to my blogs from September 26th, 2018, or January 16th, 2019)
Never underestimate the power of forgiveness to shift your reality when things are stuck. On some level, you created it, so you need to take responsibility for it. It is an illusion that “they” are doing it to you. There is no “they,” there is only you. Only you control how you act and respond in any given situation. Therefore, once you take full responsibility, the next step is forgiveness.
You can forgive yourself for why ever you allowed this person/situation in your reality, you can forgive the situation itself, and you can forgive the other person. Ultimately though, you need to be able to forgive yourself. To recognize and acknowledge why you brought this in in the first place. It’s not always necessary to know the specific whys, it could be a faulty belief, a negative thought pattern, or something stuck deep in the unconscious – the point is to truly take responsibility, and forgive yourself, for why ever you are experiencing this pain or trauma.
A brilliant way to do this is to use the Ho’oponopono. The Ho’oponopono consists of four lines:
I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you.
You say these things to yourself, while visualizing or picturing the person or situation that’s causing you stress, or you can say it to the other person.
I love you: everything starts with love. You have to start from a place of love to shift the energy, as love is the most powerful force there is.
I’m sorry: yes, forgive yourself for why this is in your reality. And genuinely feel sorry that you’ve allowed it.
Please forgive me: ask for, and be willing to receive, that forgiveness. It’s yours.
Thank you: gratitude is a powerful energy for change. Truly be grateful that the energy can now transform.
I have seen the Ho’oponopono completely transform negative situations and relationships. I use it myself regularly, and sometimes, I go into detail with it. For example, let’s say you’re having financial difficulties. You could say, “I love you self. I’m so sorry we are stuck in this pattern of struggle and lack. Please forgive me for everything keeping me in this trauma. Thank you for helping me with this.”
Or with sickness: “I love you body. I’m so sorry I keep creating this illness. Please forgive me for what I’m putting you through. Thank you.”
It is not necessary to detail it, but sometimes I like to start that way, to give my whole being a very specific message of what we are healing.
You can change up the order of the lines too, especially when wanting to shift the energy with another person. For example, while visualizing them you could say (if you were detailing it):
“Please forgive me, I have absolutely judged and blamed you. I’m so sorry for that and for your pain. Thank you for accepting my apology. I love you.”
You may be thinking, “but what if I don’t love them?!” Well, what if you don’t? Can you find the wounded part of them and accept that they aren’t perfect? That they’re doing the best they can too? That rather than sending more anger their way, love can actually heal the rift? I did this once with someone who was causing me great rage and pain. While I didn’t love their actions, I could send love to the truth of them, beyond their body. And you know what, it completely transformed our interactions. What was once acrimonious became harmonious. I didn’t stop once things started to shift, I still continue with it regularly to augment and continue the healing. After all, I allowed this person in my reality, so I can take responsibility for healing the relationship.
It starts with you. There is no one outside of you. You need to be the change. Take responsibility, and allow the forgiveness. Freedom awaits.
Since I alluded to this in last week’s blog, let’s talk about the power of forgiveness and why it’s so important.
You can’t change anything in your reality unless you are willing to take responsibility for it. On some level you created it, so you need to own that; “I acknowledge my part in this.” Yes, it could be something deeply buried in the subconscious or unconscious- it doesn’t matter, what matters is that you own it. Once you own it, you can actually change it. But first, forgiveness is in order.
Forgiveness is the final step before making a change, and the most powerful one at that; forgiving yourself for why ever you allowed/created the situation in the first place. And that may not be clear, you may have no idea why it’s in your reality. That’s ok, just forgive it. Forgive yourself, and forgive the situation. If you have an understanding, all the better, then you can be specific in your forgiveness.
Let’s say you’re dealing with a health issue. You could say, “I forgive myself for why ever I created or allowed this health scare. I forgive any blocked emotions that got stuck in my body. I forgive and release past traumas that allowed this in. I forgive where I didn’t take care of my body or treat it kindly. I forgive you body, and I forgive me for what I shoved into you. I forgive and release the pain I feel.”
Same with a situation that causes you distress. Remember, you cannot change anyone else; all you can do is take ownership for your part. Start with forgiveness: “I forgive myself for this creation, I forgive myself for allowing this person/situation into my life. I forgive myself for keeping myself stuck in this pain and inhibiting my freedom. I forgive whatever part of me is getting something from keeping this upset alive. I forgive anywhere that I feel I deserve this. I forgive my fears and where this is keeping me from greater love in my life. I forgive my attachment to this.” Etc.
You can forgive any and all aspects of yourself, and any and all emotions involved. “I acknowledge and own that my rage contributed to this. I forgive myself for that, I forgive my rage. I forgive where I have refused to let it go. I forgive myself for harboring resentments over this. I forgive myself for staying stuck.”
Then, most importantly, “As I forgive all of this, I am willing to be different now. I am willing to allow in love and healing. I am willing to see things differently. I am willing to let this go and be new.”
The forgiveness cannot be hollow, nor can it be just words. Really feel the energy of release. It might take repeated focus. It could have taken years, decades, or lifetimes to have this issue explode out, so don’t judge yourself if it takes time to heal it. But start by forgiving it and forgiving yourself. It’ll set you free from your prison.
Me, just sharing ways to make you the best you can be!