It is not your job to judge; it is your job to love.
It is not your job to criticize; it is your job to empathize.
It is not your job to blame; it is your job to accept.
You cannot change anyone else; all you can do is change yourself. You cannot control anyone else; all you can do is work on yourself. They are who they are; your job is to accept that and to forgive where you find fault. It is not their job to change to suit you or your needs.
It is your job to fulfill your own needs, not dump that responsibility on someone else. They cannot fix you or make you whole. You must do that.
Your negative ego would love for you to find fault with those around you and lash out at, or be hurt by others for not fulfilling your expectations. But you, the true you, can rise above that and be more; you can be the love you desire in your reality. Admittedly it’s not always easy, especially when you are triggered by friends, family, and partners who can push our buttons like no other. But it was designed this way, they are showing you where you need healing within yourself. It takes time, it takes patience, it takes compassion, but if you are willing to release old resentments and stories of hurt, you can transform yourself and your reality by allowing love and light into those places of pain.
So as you continue in this holiday season, love more, empathize more, and accept those around you for who they are. And while doing so, send those energies back to yourself. Be willing to be the change.
Sometimes love says, “no.”
What this means, is that sometimes the most loving act is to say “no” to a person or situation; walking away from a situation that is exhausting you, or saying “no” to a request that you cannot fulfill. It can be as simple and gentle as, “No, I’m sorry I can’t.” No explanation necessary, nor no guilt.
It's not mean or bad to say no, it's having boundaries. It's owning that you matter: your time matters, your energy matters, your space matters. Over-giving doesn't help the other person; it only depletes you and prevents you from taking care of your needs.
Stop doing things out of duty and obligation. Do it because you want to. Otherwise the crabbiness with which you do it negatively impacts your energy, and goes out into the world.
You can't control anyone else or what they say about you, so if you're not saying “no” because they need you or to show what a good person you are, stop. You can't make people see you the way you want to be seen. The only thing you can control is your response. If they decide you're mean for saying no, that's their problem, not yours. You aren't responsible to fix their upset. This can be hard for some people who think, “but what if I look mean?” What if you do? Would you rather be perceived as being mean, which you're not by the way, or be depleted and lacking in self-worth?
There are times that people want you to do it all for them, but it’s not your job to fix/rescue anyone. You can be compassionate while maintaining firm boundaries. Again, a simple, “no” is all that is required. In your head you can add the, “No, I won’t let you talk to me like that. No, I can’t fix that for you. No, I won’t rescue you again.” Come from the idea that, “I love you and, I have faith that you can figure this out.”
You are valuable, your time and energy matters. You can't serve the greater good, or even achieve your own dreams and goals, if you are constantly giving to others and draining yourself. Own your value. Release the outcome. Remember, you could be absolutely perfect and some people would still critique you. They will see you how they want to because it's their perception, not the ultimate truth. Recognize this. You have to take care of you. Stop sacrificing yourself and own your time and energy.
Have the courage to say “no” to what is hindering you, and yes to yourself. You matter!
This week, I want you to contemplate this:
“You are loved. Beyond what you can imagine, beyond what you can fathom, you are loved.”
The Universe loves you. Let this in. Let it dictate your actions and self-care this week. This may feel foreign or it may feel removed from you. You may not believe this or you may even actively resist it, but what if, this week, you choose to act as if it is true, and you release the blocks you’ve put up to allowing more love in your life? You can now choose to experience a reality filled with more ease, beauty, grace, and love. You have the power to do so. Are you willing to be courageous enough to release your faulty perceptions and limitations and open to a new level of expansion? Are you willing to stop pretending that the quote isn’t true for you?
Let love lead the way. Simply be willing, be receptive.
Amidst the chaos and turmoil of the world, you can emerge anew. Allow the love that is flowing to you right now to surround and fill you. Feel it, breathe it in. If you dismiss this or feel blockages to accepting it, breathe into those places, remind yourself that you are safe, and trust that the Universe is supporting you and cheering you on.
Allow more love into your reality. Allow yourself to be loved. Your future self says, “thank you.”
I am a romantic, I always have been. I believe in fairy tales and happily ever after. I believe in the power of love to transform and heal. I believe that when love is involved, miracles can occur. So it should be no surprise that I watched the Royal Wedding Saturday. I did so with joy, and in celebration, because what better to lift the resonance in the world, then love?
I found the Reverend Michael Curry’s speech to be so profound, and a further reminder to what I made mention of last week. He said, “There's power in love. Don't underestimate it.” He goes on to detail all the ways the world can change “when love is the way,” ultimately culminating with it bringing forth “a new earth, a new world.” And isn’t that what we want? When we grow spiritually, when we find our way out of our old patterns, when we ask for healing, when we search for more meaning, we are asking for more love in our lives. I’m not talking romantic love, I’m talking about the pure energy of love itself. Love can pierce the illusion of darkness we find ourselves in sometimes. It is a way out of the pain, fear, and separation we feel at times.
As I said last week, “love, bigger and bolder then you ever have.” So what does that mean exactly? How do you “put your love into action” as I called you to do?
First, take a moment and think about someone or something that you love. Even if you cannot think of a single person who elicits a love reaction in you, center yourself and think about something that moves you: a sunset, being in nature, animals, and connect to that feeling you get when thinking about this. The heart opening, an elevated feeling; that’s love. It doesn’t have to look like fireworks and an angelic choir; it can be soft and quiet. It’s a feeling that takes you outside of yourself and into something more. Now sit with that feeling for a moment. Let it lift you. Feel how good it feels. From there, move forward in your visualizing, in your creating, in your prayers, in how you move through your day. Let love be the platform from which you leap.
Maybe your heart has been broken so many times this scares you. What if love lets you down again? Well, what if it doesn’t? What if you connect to the energy of love itself vs. the expression that came through someone who might’ve been wounded. People can distort what love is, but recognize that when it is a distortion, it’s not really love. It may have been called love, but it’s not. Be willing to open your heart, even a little bit, as scary as that might feel, and connect to a love greater then what you’ve seen. Just be willing to find love in even the tiniest acts of compassion or goodwill.
Even if you are open already, you can always be willing to allow more love in your life. Every little thing you do can be infused with love, if you let it.
This most importantly pertains to self-love. How can you love yourself more this week? Just explore that. Maybe, instead of getting mad at yourself for xyz, you love yourself instead. How much better will the world, and your world be, when love is more present, more visible, more active.
As I said last week, when you align yourself with love, miracles can occur. Allow yourself more love.
Some of you know that I adore my husband; I’m not shy in owning that. It took me 40 years to meet him and wow did I create a perfect man, but that’s another story! So earlier last year, we found out my husband’s name was being submitted for an Emmy for Score Mixing for Season 3 of “Mozart in the Jungle.” We were ecstatic. I immediately began visualizing texting everyone saying, “He won!!!”
Well the day of the Emmy nominations, his show was announced but they omitted his name. Now, I’m pretty fiery as you know, and I immediately went to anger- “this is an injustice! WTF!” etc., etc. I vented, I railed, I worked that anger until it was spent. I did all of the techniques that I teach you all. Once I worked through that, I calmed myself down and started focusing on the oversight being corrected. I put all of my attention into visualizing that correction, with absolute conviction that it would happen.
Sure enough, the next day, he got word from his co-nominee that it was being reviewed by the Academy. During that time of review, I held fast to my faith in my husband and his deserving of the award. And I forgave everything I could think of; why I allowed a reality of injustice, what in me had issues with visibility, etc. A few days later, we got the word that yes indeed, he was officially nominated.
Now it was time for the big work. Everyday for months I visualized sending those texts, while seeing him onstage. It was a super powerful image for me and I put all of my energy into that. I knew exactly who would receive those texts and I refused to allow any reality except that one.
Neither fear, nor negative ego, were allowed a voice, ever. I would not give them space in my creation. I owned my power and the truth that I create my reality and I would only allow positive support. I wouldn’t give my power away to anyone who was jealous or who was unsupportive, nor would I entertain fears of them. I visualized moving anyone like that out of the way and focused on my end goal. Only supportive people, and unseen helpers allowed.
Most importantly, I focused on my love for my husband everyday before visualizing. Love can move mountains and I wanted to put my love into action. So while visualizing those texts, I felt the love, I felt the joy, I felt the bliss. I owned out loud what I wanted and I refused any contradictory thoughts.
Right before Labor Day, we got word that the Emmys would be Sept 10th, our Anniversary. That to me was confirmation of the love I’d been putting out there around this event.
The night of the Creative Arts Emmys, I’ve got to own that I was nervous. Sitting in that auditorium, for the first time, I had doubts. I didn’t judge them though, I let them speak for a few minutes and then a small voice said, “trust,” and I let go and trusted. I went right back to what I did want and felt that joy. About 15 min later, he won an Emmy, and I got to send those texts and scream for joy.
The key components illustrated by this story and how to really empower your manifestations are:
As a P.S.: I do need to specify that my husband was in complete agreement to co-creating this success with me and was doing his own work simultaneously. I was coming at it from what I wanted in my reality, not forcing a reality on him. I wanted that experience, as did he, which made it more powerful because we were aligned. You cannot force your vision on anyone else, nor can you do the work for them. Use these tools for yourself first and foremost.
Me, just sharing ways to make you the best you can be!