A few weeks ago, I sent out a blog about “Alleviating Kickback,” in which I spoke of personal healing. Well, unfortunately a week after I sent it, my infection came back; it had never really healed to its core.
Why do I share this? Because sometimes we can think that we’ve healed an issue, only to have it come roaring back. And it doesn’t mean we’re bad or wrong, it means we're human and there are layers to issues.
I’ve talked with enough of you to know that many people want a quick fix or want to be healed immediately and thereby feel shame if that doesn’t happen. But time is part of the healing process. In the continued healing of the infection, I uncovered issues from lifetimes ago that needed excavating and releasing. The infection wasn’t here out of cruelty, it was still present to bring my attention to the deeper blockages that needed clearing.
If you’re dealing with a physical issue, instead of getting angry at it or punishing yourself for it, have compassion for yourself. Ask what message or healing it needs.
If you keep berating yourself and getting mad, the stuck energy is going to get more and more entrenched. Whereas if you send forgiveness and light, you can uncover it and let it go.
Maybe there’s a deep, deep wound that needs healing and attention. You have to identify it and do whatever technique is appropriate in order to move through it.
Remember, if it took lifetimes to build or even just this lifetime, that’s a lot of energy built up over time. It may be complex and will take time to heal to its core.
I recently heard Eileen McKusick say, “If your whole life has been spent in your pain body and your wounds, you have no idea what your light body and being centered looks like. It’s a process to move from your pain body to your light body. It happens in pieces.”
Think about that- it happens in pieces. Patience, nurturing, love, self-care; all these will aid the pieces in reforming into your light.
You are your best healing medicine. You make the choices and send the love to yourself. No one outside you can do that. So today, send love to the places stuck in pain and be willing to integrate them back into your light. Be gentle with yourself as you come into wholeness.
It’s time to talk about… The List!
Some of you are familiar with this technique as I’ve taught it to you, or you’ve heard variations from other people. This is one of my favorite tools when creating something new. Essentially, it’s a directive to the Universe, and your subconscious, for a creation you wish to manifest.
The most widely used topics for the list are a new relationship, a new career, or a new job, but really, you could write one for anything.
The fastest I’ve ever seen the list work is a couple of weeks; a client was already going in for interviews and the list made it very clear which job was his actual desire. And my client knew what to ask for once he was specific in his needs because of his list.
The longest I’ve seen is a couple years, but many pieces had to fall into place for that list to manifest. I think there’s something to be said for trusting the Divine timing which is why you create the list and then let it go.
Also, just because you’ve created your list, doesn’t mean you stop working on yourself, quite the opposite actually. You’ve made your list, now who do you need to be to receive your desires? You need to expand into the version of yourself that lives that list.
So, how do you do it?
You may want to make a rough draft first, I always do. Start thinking about the qualities that you desire in your creation. Make notes for a few days. Write everything in present time, as if you already have it.
If you were to meet your ideal partner, what attributes do they have? Think about what’s important to you, what you value, and go from there. Maybe you write, in whatever pronoun works best for you, “She/He/They treat me beautifully and always listen. We have lots of fun together. They are evolved and conscientious. We love to travel together and do so often. They are kind.”
There are some things on your list that you may keep more general such as the quality of being kind, and other things might be quite specific. For example, a client added, “He’s good to my kids and treats them like his own.”
If you’re super specific that your future mate must look a certain way and needs to have brown hair, that’s quite limiting. Go to the qualities versus the appearance.
My husband is my exact list, it’s crazy! And I was pushed into it by my girlfriends, lol. But I imagined what my ideal husband would be like, and I wrote it all out. Six months later, voila. Although I will say I had been working on myself for years to be in the space to have the partner I dreamt of.
As for a new career or job, again, list the attributes such as, “I wake up excited to go to work every day.” Then you can also add specifics such as, “I set my own hours” or “I work 9 to 5” – this is where what’s important to you comes through as everyone will be different. You could also say things such as “I love my coworkers” and “I have unlimited vacation time.” It’s up to you how much structure and how much freedom. Some people like a lot of structure, and some people want none.
If it’s for a job, I recommend adding, “I now make X amount of money, or better.” Always add the “or better,” because why not get more?
Regarding a new career, one of my favorite stories is of a client who during her job search, was willing to branch out into another field. She knew the job would entail writing, but beyond that she was open, so she focused on the qualities she’d love in a new job. Not only did she find an amazing job in a new field that greatly interested her, but her job took her writing skills to advanced levels and opened up a new career path. Because of that shift, years later when it was time to move on, after she made her new list, she found a job that has skyrocketed her career success. And all because she was open almost 10 years ago.
I have another client who’s made her list regarding jobs multiple times, always elevating her career and manifesting her list. It’s so successful for her, that she’s told prior coworkers to do it. She also knew that leaving her last job was taking longer than planned (by a couple years), so even though she had her new list, she realized she wasn’t done with whatever lesson the current job held. She knew she needed to learn the lesson to let go and manifest her new list. And she did.
As I said, do your internal work and trust the Divine timing.
So, how to do it:
-Take a blank piece of paper and hand write your desires to infuse your energy in.
-At the top of the list write, “My ideal _____”
-Then list the qualities/attributes, whatever is most important to you, in present time. Write as much or as little as you desire.
“My husband really listens to me and loves to spend quality time together.”
“Our values are aligned. We see the world the same way.”
"We communicate like adults and can be completely honest with each other."
“My job expands my confidence in my field.”
“I am now Director of Marketing.”
“My boss respects my opinion and implements my ideas.”
“I can work from home.”
"While my work is challenging in an exciting way, when my workday is done, it's done, and I have plenty of time for myself."
-At the end, sign it, date it, and write, “This or better now manifests for me, in the highest and best way, for my highest and best good, with harm to none.”
-Then tuck it away into a safe place- only you are meant to see the list- and TRUST in the process. Let go of control, do the work necessary, and trust.
And share your success stories; I love them and will happily celebrate your wins!!
We all have belief boundaries; you can either be defined by them or expand beyond them, continuing to push the boundaries of what you believe is possible.
It’s like I talked about last week- stretching yourself. You need to do the belief work and expansion necessary within yourself to accommodate big dreams and goals. And this happens in increments.
Like a person who sets a goal to earn a million dollars. They have to do the belief work to truly believe that it’s possible for them. They need to energetically stretch beyond where they currently are to hold more income, success, and if they want to hold onto the money, then release any guilt or resistance that would make it disappear. They need to feel into and match the frequency of that much money. Once they achieve their goal and can handle and own it, they set a higher goal, expanding into more allowing, more willingness, more belief work, and more releasing resistance, as well as increased receiving, so they can now imagine themselves as a multimillionaire.
An intern doesn’t become a CEO overnight. A pilot doesn’t go from training to being Captain of flying huge planes. It’s a process.
One of my favorite stories is of a girlfriend who started as a Production Assistant on commercials. She did her job to the best of her ability and learned everything she could. At a certain point she knew she was ready for more, so she learned all she could about the next level of her career and then claimed to herself, “I’m a Production Coordinator now.”
When companies would come to hire her as a P.A., she’d say, “I’m not a Production Assistant anymore, I’m a Production Coordinator.”
Was that scary for her to claim to people? Absolutely! Did she lose out on work? Totally. But she kept believing it, while saying it to herself and to everyone who tried to hire her. And lo and behold, somebody did. Because they knew how good she had been as a P.A., and they wanted her on the job.
She continued to do that, slowly but consistently over time, up leveling herself whenever she was ready to take those leaps, ultimately becoming an Executive Producer.
Was it easy at times? No! Did that stop her? No! She kept expanding the image of herself to hold more of how she saw herself in the world and the jobs she knew she could do, as well as keeping that end goal in mind of where she was headed. It wasn’t comfortable, it wasn’t easy to turn down work, but she kept doing it every time she was ready for an expansion. She would learn all she could about her next step, and she kept expanding her beliefs to believe it was possible for her.
If there’s any part of you that says, “well she could do it, but I can't,” that’s a lie. She wasn’t superhuman, she didn’t have an in in the industry; she did the internal work.
This holds true for any goals and dreams you have from career to finances to health to relationships.
Every action and expansion, no matter how small, leads towards your end dream. But you have to participate by believing it’s possible and you have to keep stretching your imagination beyond your comfort zone.
See yourself having the end dream and feel what that feels like. You got this; I believe in you!
Sometimes after manifesting the creation of big dreams, there can be kickback from our negative ego and other lesser aspects of self. This happened to me last week.
I was able to create something huge I’d been working on for 7 years in my personal healing process. It was amazing! And yes, while it took 7 years, I don’t go into self-judgment.
If you’re working to heal a major issue that may even have aspects from past lives, it takes time.
Which is a reminder to those of you who want a quick fix or want to heal immediately. That doesn’t always happen, especially when there are layers.
It doesn’t mean I wasn’t impatient or angry at times; I certainly was. And I kept doing the emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical work necessary to achieve my goal.
The key is to focus on the end goal and how you’ll feel once you have the thing you desire. And never give up, even if things seem impossible. There’s always a way.
I found the next successive way each time I was ready to heal on a deeper level. Whenever I’d take a step up in receiving, a new way would open. Plus, I worked the layers and layers of shame that questioned why the issue was still happening and what was wrong with me that I wasn’t healing. Shame and judgment must be released because they’re roadblocks to recovery.
So back to my original premise - I achieved my goal; it was spectacular. And the next day, I got slammed with a physical infection. It knocked me out and at first, depressed the hell out of me and made me feel like a failure. There was that shame again. I achieved my goal so why did this happen?
Interestingly, two people, one being an Urgent Care Doctor, reflected back to me that it was just a blip, just old stuff releasing. It didn’t mean I was back to square one. Not at all.
As I took that in, I realized this was kickback. Kickback is when you create something fantastic and the next day or soon after, something negative happens. It can feel like 2 steps forward, one step back. But kickback can be cleared so that it’s full steam ahead.
Kickback occurs because you’ve stretched into becoming more. Think of yourself like a rubber band- you’re so used to being a certain shape that when you do something amazing and expand by leaps and bounds, your shape snaps back to close to where it was before as that’s your normal.
You’re not bad and wrong, you’re simply used to a specific frequency of being, one that your negative ego, inner child, or inner adolescent etc. are used to. When I became more of my light and my love in achieving my goal, parts of me couldn’t hold that expansion, they snapped back.
The next morning, as I grounded myself, which is super important to be IN your body, I expanded my space. I acknowledged the kickback, took my power back from it, forgave and released all the energies involved, and visualized and imagined expanding my space- my energy field and the energy in my body- to hold this new success. I saw myself stretching my boundaries and I even used my hands to push out more space around me. To hold my success and allow it to grow. To allow for more success- greater and grander success. Since I was rooted to the earth, I could help my body safely feel the expansiveness I was choosing to create. And it felt wonderful.
Illness wasn’t there to stop me, simply to remind me to release what no longer serves me and be more of my light. To forgive on a deeper level and own the reality I was choosing to create.
I will add a side note: I know some of you are beating yourselves up for getting sick; illness happens. It may not always be kickback, maybe it’s the need to stop and be for a while. Maybe it gives you space to focus on yourself versus others. Maybe there’s a deeper healing message that you need to receive. As I said above, let go of judgment and surrender to the self-love required.
As for me, I took time off last week and let myself rest and heal. I gently continued to visualize that I was expanding into more, while giving myself the time necessary to integrate my new change.
Whenever you create a fabulous personal healing or success, stretch your space immediately to help you hold that new reality, before kickback can happen. And if it does happen anyway, take it as a sign that you’ve really grown way beyond who you were before, which is a wonderful thing.
A little gentleness goes a long way when healing yourself. Give yourself that gift as you stretch and grow into more of your truer self.
Me, Tina Germain, just sharing ways to make you the best you can be!