For those of you that don’t know, yesterday was my 50th Birthday and I am currently doing a bucket list trip to Lapland in the Arctic Circle to see the Northern Lights. As I write this, I am thrilled to enter a new decade, but it wasn’t always that way.
Earlier this year I was absolutely freaking out over turning 50. It just made absolutely no sense to me and I could not wrap that number around my head. So I did what I tell you all to do; I let myself have months and months of tantrums and freak-outs. I didn’t judge them or myself, I just let myself melt down and resist the hell out of it. And then at a certain point, I was over that, and I made a brand new decision – that 50 would be fabulous!
Once that happened, a phrase came to me, “If not now, when?” To say that phrase changed everything for me would be an understatement; it truly was transformative. Here’s why: I am a procrastinator, always have been. I was the kid reading the summer reading books the evening before school started in September, or pulling all nighters in college to get my papers done. I am easily distracted, I’ll admit it. But something about that phrase gave me pause. Suddenly, after meditating, when glancing at that phrase, I do the visualizing I kept meaning to do. Those stomach exercises that I always felt would benefit my posture, I do them. And the myriad of little things I tend to put off, I do those too. That phrase brought me into the now in ways that nothing else had, and made me realize that in order to create the future I wanted, I needed to participate more fully in my present.
I still need to read that phrase everyday so I have it across from me where I work and meditate. And oddly, it gives me comfort- a total procrastinator finding comfort in no longer putting things off?, wow. So while it’s only been maybe 5 months of this, it is definitely my new motto and certainly the way I am choosing to enter a fabulous new decade.
So here’s to the now, and here’s to writing new rules for aging. Yes, my 50s are gonna be fabulous!
With Thanksgiving coming tomorrow, whether you are with or without family, whether that makes you happy or sad, this is a time for self-love. Holidays can easily trigger old wounds so it is vitality important to give yourself what you need to cope.
Earlier this year a question came to me and I use it almost daily to dictate my actions, or lack there of. I want you to use it this weekend:
“How can I best love and support myself today?”
Ask this question each morning and be open to the response that comes. For this weekend specifically, maybe allowing yourself to step away from the table during a highly charged political debate is the best self-care, maybe smiling with a simple, “why do you ask?” when you don’t want to respond to a personal question, or even saying “no” to something that you really don’t want to do. You might need to step away and meditate more often, or even cut a visit short that becomes uncomfortable. However you can best love and support yourself is your assignment for the week. And if someone doesn’t like the boundaries of self-care that you set, that’s their issue, not yours. It is not your job to fix and make things better for everyone else while sacrificing yourself. You can set boundaries gently and with kindness, there’s no need to be mean, but you have a right to have a love filled weekend that involves doing nice things for yourself.
So have a very Happy Thanksgiving filled with incredible self-nurturing and self-love. You deserve it.
Many of you have been experiencing trauma lately, whether in California dealing with the wildfires, or those of you dealing with traumatic endings or ungrounded new beginnings. You’re not alone. Many of you are in the same boat.
So for this week, just focus on the little things, the little joys: being able to open your closet and pull out your favorite sweater because the weather is starting to chill, the feel of sitting outside with the sun on your face, warming you fully, or the crunch of leaves on a beautiful fall day. Stop and notice the little things right now, and not out of fear that they could disappear (as many of you in CA are experiencing), but out of appreciation and gratitude.
How extraordinary is it that we have electricity and running water? What a blessing. Do you have a favorite blanket to snuggle under or super soft sheets? How about those jeans/jackets/t-shirts that fit you like a glove and make you happy just putting them on? When you look around you, you’ll see it’s the little things that add up to a whole lotta gratitude.
With Thanksgiving a week away, start noticing now the specifics of your gratitude. Maybe you’re grateful for your family/friends, but what specifically about them? That they make you laugh? That they comfort you when you need? If that’s not your area of gratitude, what is? Where can you turn your focus right now to elevate your mood and open your heart? Allow an appreciation for what is in this moment versus trying to fix/solve/make better what is going on in your life. The more you feel gratitude for the present moment by focusing on the little things, the more joy will come in.
And if you’re having a bad day and nothing sounds good, then know that I love you and I am supporting you right now as you read this. Sometimes just knowing someone out there cares, can be the little thing that makes all the difference.
Me, just sharing ways to make you the best you can be!