Anxiety has been surfacing more for me lately and so I decided to have a talk with it. Turns out it’s telling me I’m not doing it “right,” and that there’s not enough time.
Hmmmm... perfection and lack- hello old friends; I know them well. They crop up every so often.
However, perfection doesn’t play out for me in typical ways. I’m pretty messy emotionally; I’m fine with anger, rage, sadness- the full spectrum. I can be real with what I feel. My home can be cluttered in areas; I don’t need it to be perfect. I have no problem showing up places without makeup and being comfortable - YET, if there’s an event where I know I’ll be photographed, my hair has to be just so. I judge myself mercilessly. Same with when I was acting and auditioning: there was a fine line as to when I felt acceptable and when I felt ugly. Yes- strong word because it’s true.
It also plays out in subtle ways of not doing enough or as if I need to acquire more and more information to do it “perfectly”- whatever that “it” may be. And because it can be subtle for me, I don’t always catch that that’s what’s going on.
I’ve recently started challenging these core beliefs, not that I haven’t worked on them thoroughly before, yet clearly there’s something going on during this time of intense astrological energies and Covid lockdown, as my friends and many of you, are finding deep, deep issues coming back up to finally be cleared out back to their core.
The thing about perfection is that it's such a static energy, it stalls you and completely blocks your creativity. If you’re trying to do it “perfectly,” you may never create at all. You certainly won’t take risks for fear of what will happen if you fall short. You may always feel small and not voice the truth of who you are. It is a huge hindrance to freedom.
For some of you, perfection plays out in being afraid of what others will think. The perfection becomes a terror of embarrassment or humiliation, therefore you need to look and act perfectly to be acceptable. You may even impose those high standards on your loved ones, expecting them to act and behave perfectly as well (this is called control).
Perfection is exhausting, it definitely drains you because you can’t be real. You may not feel safe if you appear less than perfect.
As for not enough, this is a sure-fire way to know your negative ego is involved as it loves to whisper that lie to you. If you always feel that you’re not enough or that there's not enough, again you’ll hide, you won’t pursue your dreams, you’ll defer to others, and if the lack is extra strong in regard to objects, you’ll become stingy because that lack mentality will make you want to hold on to everything (hording toilet paper anyone?).
For me, not enough time is how my negative ego likes to stress me out. So then I get anxious and don’t use the time I do have wisely. Vicious cycle, right? When I can catch it, it’s a totally different story. I use time wisely and definitely have extra of it.
How many of you have held yourselves back thinking you’re not enough to pursue this or attain that? I can pretty much guarantee that even hugely successful people have felt that way. The key is, they didn’t let it stop them. They moved forward despite that feeling.
Ask yourself how perfect you need to be, to be enough.*
These issues don’t play out constantly, they can be insidious and come up when you least expect them. Which is why awareness is key. The awareness to say, “Not this time!”
Sometimes easy, sometimes not.
This is when you need more tools for your spiritual tool belt.
As soon as you realize it, you can change it. Some things that help are:
Bottom line- take your power back from these faulty ideas of perfection and not being good enough. You in PRESENT time have the power. Not the past, not the future. You. Here. Now.
Which reminds me of a great and simple technique my dear friend Holly Higgins uses whenever she can tell she’s out of present time and stuck in an issue:
You ask yourself, “Where am I?”
And you answer, “Here.”
Then you ask yourself, “What time is it?”
And you answer, “Now.”
Seemingly simple but boy does it work.
I know I’m not the only one who’s had perfection and enoughness surface lately, so instead of fighting them and trying to ignore them, talk to them, give them voice, and then turn them over to your Higher Self to be healed and released. And if all else fails, then simply be with what is; that you’re feeling massive perfection and not good enough.
It’s time to show up powerfully and with your voice and your uniqueness. And if I didn’t write perfectly enough about perfection, that’s OK, I’m human ;)
* Nick Ortner posed this question in a guided tapping meditation.
Lately my introverted self has needed extra quiet, extra down time, and simultaneously, extra order; cleaning out closets, cupboards, the pantry- anything to bring order to the chaos I feel in the world and in my nervous system.
I’m a hermit by nature, you’d think I’d love this pause. But I value and love my freedom most and do not like it restricted at all. That being said, I'm getting much better at acceptance (see #11 below).
Ultimately do I think things will work out for the best?
Do I have a positive vision for the future?
Do I know this is the growing pains of a new world?
I also know- we all chose to be born for this: this monumental time in history where we are writing a new script: initiating new ways of being, rising to new levels of consciousness. It hasn’t been done before, thus no Mayan calendar, no predictions; it’s new. And together we are creating it. Exciting? Very. And sometimes not so fun to go through with all the necessary destruction of what we know, both good and bad, to make way for the new.
It’s not about the virus- it’s about clearing out the old. Giving the earth a much needed reprieve. Re-setting priorities. Shifting our relationships with each other and the world. Can we do that? Yes. Can it be elegant? I sure hope so. I don’t want a new reality of extreme caution, limited mobility, and staying away from each other. That to me would be a nightmare. If you believe in past lives, we chose the nightmare in Atlantis and it was destroyed. We don’t need to create that again.
So together, let’s dream this new world the way we want it to be: people communicating respectfully and engaging in dialogue versus dogma. The end of racism and vast economic disparity. People honoring Mother Earth by being conscious of their impact with more recycling, the oceans being cleaned up, and forests being expanded versus destroyed. Women being respected and treated as equals, the end of fathers forcing their daughters into marriage at an early age, and readily accessible education for all children. These are just some of my dreams for the world, I have many!
And in the meantime, if some days are super rough because you feel all the intensity and chaos acutely, then disconnect and do something nurturing to heal. Here are some of the things that work best for me, hopefully they inspire you!
1: Grounding myself. Yes that’s my normal anyway, but when I’m spinning, if I can ground and connect deeply to the planet, I can breathe again.
2: Speaking of breathing- deep belly breaths. Deep, in your abdomen, full breaths. It calms the nervous system.
3: Being in the moment. Not in the future or the past. Looking around and noticing present time and really taking it in.
4: Solitude. Turning off the phone and just disconnecting from the world.
5: Epsom Salt Baths. They’re a godsend to clear your space and calm your system.
6: Appreciation. Being in appreciation is key to raising your energy. Plus it feels so good to focus on what you appreciate.
I have a guided meditation from a previous blog here if you want to be in that energy more.
7: Being creative. In whatever form it takes: coloring, cooking, gardening, even re-organizing your closet can be creative. The possibilities are endless.
8: Going on walks. It’s been imperative to be outside and be in nature.
9: Reading a book. I’m doing very limited social media, very limited news, not even binging much TV. Reading can be very calming.
10: Chanting. The word “Om” really calms your system when you’re overloaded.
11: Surrender and Patience. Perhaps the most difficult but I remind myself that I can’t control this. I can’t fight it either, although sometimes I do. And when I do, I release my frustrations in healthy ways without judgment, so that ultimately I can accept it and allow it to teach me what I most need. It's necessary to surrender my need for answers and outcomes and have patience with what is. There's tremendous power in the unknown; some days I simply need to remind myself that. After all, it’s not about me. It’s not about you. It’s about creating a new world and that takes time.
We’re all in this together and together we’re going succeed this time. Let’s choose that now!
As Chani Nicholas says, “You were born for this!”
I don’t know about you, but I have been triggered lately! Like, meltdown, panic attacks, triggered. Thankfully I just read the newest blog by Laurie Johnson, click here, that explains the intense energies going on.
I will say, before doing that, I really needed to practice what I tell you all and so, here’s what’s helped me tremendously. May it help you as well!
1: I took my favorite- Bach Flower Remedy Elm.
Those of you who've been following me since the beginning know I swear by it. It's for when you feel overwhelmed. 4 drops in water, chug, 4 more drops in a glass of water, sip. And I actually needed three doses back to back one day to get calm. It works brilliantly.
2: Ground yourself.
Yes, I will be that one person who is always bugging you about this, and I can’t stress it enough. When you’re ungrounded, everything gets amped up and you can’t think straight, nor can you respond appropriately to what’s in front of you. Ground, ground, ground!!
Here are some helpful reminders:
Meditation for Grounding
Meditation for Safety
The Power of Being Grounded
Really it should be number one but we forget sometimes don’t we? Breathe. Call your energy into your body. Call it back from the future. Call it out of your to-dos. Breathe. Feel into your feet. Feel yourself sitting on your chair/bed. Feel gravity. Breathe.
4: Mantra yourself.
I had a steady stream of, “I am safe. Everything is ok even if it’s not perfect. If I make a mistake, it can be fixed. I have more than enough time; there is no need to rush. Everything is falling into place in its Divine timing. Everything is working out in my favor. I am Divinely supported. I can trust that I am safe.”
5: Use EFT or tapping.
YouTube it, it’s fabulous. Literally just tap all the points while speaking your discomfort/panic/fears and keep going until you start to be able to say things like, “I’m willing to let this go. I’m willing to see this differently.” Email me if you need more detailed help.
6: Notice if it’s you in present time that is freaking out or if you are being triggered from an event in childhood/adolescence.
For me, I was totally in childhood. I found deep wounds that were churning up to be healed. I had to acknowledge my inner child and her fears etc., then talk to her, let her vent, and hold her to help her feel safe. I also had to consciously release a pattern of behavior I always thought was mine, but saw clearly that I took on from one of my parents. Their way of reacting was one I had adopted as my own because it was what I saw and experienced. A light bulb went off as I realized an emotional response and belief I had been living wasn’t mine at all!!! My 6 year old had taken it on as truth. So I needed to separate out from that, release that belief, build a new one, and have incredible compassion for myself: both in present time, and at age 6.
Which leads to:
7: Ho’oponopono yourself and the situation/person.
I needed to do this for me in present time, for my 6 year old self, and for the parent who triggered me. Not from a place of blame, they were doing the best they could and you might’ve been a sponge. But you’re not a victim, you learned something. Take your power back, and forgive. Now if we’re talking abuse, that’s a whole nother issue and not something I am addressing in this. I am talking about the beliefs and patterns of behavior we take on from our parents without even realizing how deeply we do it.
Taking Your Power Back
8: Make a new choice.
I needed to choose a different response in the moment versus what I had been trained/conditioned to do. And that takes conscious awareness. So you need to pause and ask how you want to respond in present time, without responding from a programmed habit of behavior.
9: Put on soothing music and talk to yourself.
Talk to your panic. Ask it what it needs to say or vent. Then listen. Let it be irrational with non sequiturs. Journal it, speak it- get it out of you.
And remember, you are not your body, you are not your panic and fear.
Yes, that’s right- just stop. Stop all doing, stop all planning. Stop and take a reprieve. Even if there’s so much to do, stop. That was my mistake last week. I didn’t stop. I kept pushing through it and guess what? It got worse. Until I stopped. Until I cleared time in my calendar for me. Until I demanded healing time for myself. No one was blocking me, I overscheduled myself. No blame, again, it’s on me. Boundaries!!! So I claimed some and stopped. Once I did, anytime the anxiety came up again, it was easier to move through.
11: Accept and allow.
If you try to make it go away or judge it as bad or wrong, it’s gonna stick like glue. Accept yourself fully, even when you’re an emotional mess.
12: Ask for help.
From your unseen team of helpers (Higher Self, guides, angels, etc.) and from people in the seen world. Build a support team you can rely on when you’re not neutral enough to help yourself. I know I needed that!
Now I won’t lie and say the anxiety is gone because it still pops up occasionally, just much less. Reading the blog I referenced at the beginning helped tons to understand the greater energetic shifts happening in the world. Also, I am taking my power back and being in present time as much as possible. I have the tools to more elegantly move through any more panic moments versus letting them control me. Until then, I am being extra gentle with, and not pushing, myself. I am good exactly as I am, as are you. This too shall pass.
Me, just sharing ways to make you the best you can be!