Lately my introverted self has needed extra quiet, extra down time, and simultaneously, extra order; cleaning out closets, cupboards, the pantry- anything to bring order to the chaos I feel in the world and in my nervous system.
I’m a hermit by nature, you’d think I’d love this pause. But I value and love my freedom most and do not like it restricted at all. That being said, I'm getting much better at acceptance (see #11 below).
Ultimately do I think things will work out for the best?
Do I have a positive vision for the future?
Do I know this is the growing pains of a new world?
I also know- we all chose to be born for this: this monumental time in history where we are writing a new script: initiating new ways of being, rising to new levels of consciousness. It hasn’t been done before, thus no Mayan calendar, no predictions; it’s new. And together we are creating it. Exciting? Very. And sometimes not so fun to go through with all the necessary destruction of what we know, both good and bad, to make way for the new.
It’s not about the virus- it’s about clearing out the old. Giving the earth a much needed reprieve. Re-setting priorities. Shifting our relationships with each other and the world. Can we do that? Yes. Can it be elegant? I sure hope so. I don’t want a new reality of extreme caution, limited mobility, and staying away from each other. That to me would be a nightmare. If you believe in past lives, we chose the nightmare in Atlantis and it was destroyed. We don’t need to create that again.
So together, let’s dream this new world the way we want it to be: people communicating respectfully and engaging in dialogue versus dogma. The end of racism and vast economic disparity. People honoring Mother Earth by being conscious of their impact with more recycling, the oceans being cleaned up, and forests being expanded versus destroyed. Women being respected and treated as equals, the end of fathers forcing their daughters into marriage at an early age, and readily accessible education for all children. These are just some of my dreams for the world, I have many!
And in the meantime, if some days are super rough because you feel all the intensity and chaos acutely, then disconnect and do something nurturing to heal. Here are some of the things that work best for me, hopefully they inspire you!
1: Grounding myself. Yes that’s my normal anyway, but when I’m spinning, if I can ground and connect deeply to the planet, I can breathe again.
2: Speaking of breathing- deep belly breaths. Deep, in your abdomen, full breaths. It calms the nervous system.
3: Being in the moment. Not in the future or the past. Looking around and noticing present time and really taking it in.
4: Solitude. Turning off the phone and just disconnecting from the world.
5: Epsom Salt Baths. They’re a godsend to clear your space and calm your system.
6: Appreciation. Being in appreciation is key to raising your energy. Plus it feels so good to focus on what you appreciate.
I have a guided meditation from a previous blog here if you want to be in that energy more.
7: Being creative. In whatever form it takes: coloring, cooking, gardening, even re-organizing your closet can be creative. The possibilities are endless.
8: Going on walks. It’s been imperative to be outside and be in nature.
9: Reading a book. I’m doing very limited social media, very limited news, not even binging much TV. Reading can be very calming.
10: Chanting. The word “Om” really calms your system when you’re overloaded.
11: Surrender and Patience. Perhaps the most difficult but I remind myself that I can’t control this. I can’t fight it either, although sometimes I do. And when I do, I release my frustrations in healthy ways without judgment, so that ultimately I can accept it and allow it to teach me what I most need. It's necessary to surrender my need for answers and outcomes and have patience with what is. There's tremendous power in the unknown; some days I simply need to remind myself that. After all, it’s not about me. It’s not about you. It’s about creating a new world and that takes time.
We’re all in this together and together we’re going succeed this time. Let’s choose that now!
As Chani Nicholas says, “You were born for this!”
Part of what this time has shown a lot of you is where your priorities lie.
Many of you have told me that you’re feeling anxious not because of the stay at home order, but because you’re actually enjoying this reprieve and deeper level of self-care. It’s made you question your life and what’s important. Sometimes you have to acknowledge what you don’t want to discover what you do want.
Things don’t have to be the same for you. You can allow that you’re different from this experience. Your personal world can be different. You are the author of your reality; write it differently. You don’t need to subscribe to the same beliefs or attitudes; you can have new ones. Let this pause not be in vain. See things differently, spend more time in appreciation, and allow yourself more solitude.
When the world hits the play button again, you don’t need to fast forward. You don’t need to be the hare: you can be the tortoise. Absolutely give yourself permission to move at a pace that honors your inner cadence versus what the world tells you is acceptable.
Last week I spoke of not judging yourself, and this week I want to say: don’t judge anyone else for how they process their pain etc. This doesn’t just apply to the current situation in the world.
Some of you are fixers, you want to fix the problem and make it better. However, there are certain things you just can’t fix. There is tremendous power in holding space for another person; allowing them their grief, anger, fear, etc., while simply listening. You don’t need to make it better, in fact, doing so might take away from their ability to figure it out or process through their emotions. Saying, “You’re right, it is really hard. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through,” period, end of sentence, is such a beautiful expression of compassion.
Sometimes a person might actually want you to make it better. If you’re not sure, ask, “Do you just need an ear or do you want assistance and possible solutions?”
When you do that, you honor their needs without over-giving on your part. If you jump in and give first, you could end up feeling resentment or anger if the advice you’ve given is ignored.
I heard a fascinating discussion with Glennon Doyle in which she said that when you try to make it better for someone else by pointing out the positives when they’re in a dark place, all it does is shame them. As if their experience isn’t ok if it’s negative.
Everyone is going through a lot right now, light and dark. You, and they, are allowed to experience all of it: sometimes in the same moment.
Remember that this week and unless asked, don’t try to make it better for anyone else: allow them to be wherever they are.
Everyone is processing things the best way they can right now, so the key message today is:
whatever you are/are not doing, is absolutely perfect for you!
Do not judge it, and do not compare.
Some of you are organizing your houses: fantastic! Some of you are exercising and getting in better shape: fantastic! Some of you are disconnecting from the world and simply reading all day: fantastic! Some of you are unable to do anything because you’re so knocked out from all the chaos and so you just zone out: fantastic!
It’s all fantastic because you’re doing the best you can do for you!
Do not forget that, and do not think you should be doing anything or be anywhere emotionally/mentally other than where you are.
Where you are is exactly where you need to be.
What’s needed more than ever right now is compassion; both towards yourself, and others. People are struggling, they’re melting down, they’re anxious. So as much as you can, have compassion, and be understanding.
Watch your expectations. If they’re high, you need to remember that many people are overloaded; they can only do what they can do.
If a store is out of what you need, take a deep breath and try again another day, or order online. If you notice you’re irritated with someone who’s scared, maybe they’re triggering your own fears or where you feel impotent to help them. If you’re overwhelmed and having a rough day, disconnect from others. If you’re tired and having a meltdown, step back and do something self-nurturing. Be kind to yourself.
Now some of you are handling things brilliantly- huge bravo to you!! Truly! You are helping keep the energy high for everyone else so thank you. Your light is a powerful healer, please continue to shine it.
For those who are not in that place: it's time for extra self-care, and to go within to heal and love yourself. Just be with what is, with where you’re at emotionally and mentally. Don’t judge yourself, have gentleness, and tremendous compassion.
We’ll get through this, one day, sometimes simply one moment, at a time.
I got your back.
Sending you love.
Me, just sharing ways to make you the best you can be!