Are you doubting your abilities and if you’re good enough? You’re not alone. Doubt is the biggest killer of dreams.
Doubt will have you creating stories of fear and telling yourself why it’s better to just stay in the shadows, “Don’t put yourself out there, people might laugh or worse, ignore you.”
If you’re already fearful, the idea of complete humiliation or total dismissal is enough to keep you in procrastination or avoidance.
But the world does need you. It needs your insights, your perspective, and your wisdom.
“Who me?” You might ask? Yes you. You reading this.
Doubt can block you from speaking up at work, in a relationship, in taking action towards your dreams, or in your creative expression. No area is immune.
Let’s confront your doubt, which really is an aspect of your fear…
Imagine a beautiful bubble of purple/violet light surrounding you to hold you in a safe space.
Either close your eyes and put yourself in a calm, meditative space (obviously you’ll need to peek at the prompts below) or grab a journal to write both sides of the conversation. Invite the personification of your Doubt - or your Fear behind it - forward to speak. If you’re in a meditative space, you may see it as a version of you or as a color or shape. Be open to how it appears and don’t anticipate the outcome because it may look like a color you love. That’s a clue as to how it hides and seduces you into listening. If you're writing, let the words from Doubt/Fear flow, without editing what it's saying.
Once you see it or sense it’s presence, welcome it and tell it you’d like to dialogue. It’ll only be too happy to speak.
Ask it, “What’s the worst thing that could happen if I pursue X and put myself out there?”
Then listen to the response, even if it’s awful. Doubt/Fear may give you a concise answer or it may have a litany of terrible scenarios.
Once Doubt/Fear is done speaking, say, “I hear you, but what else could happen? What’s below what you spoke of?”
Doubt/Fear may still be upset and ramble, or it’ll get quiet and whisper. Keep asking what’s below until you get to the core wound.
How do you find the core wound? Here’s an example:
Let’s say in the first inquiry, Doubt/Fear says you’re not smart enough and gives you details of all the ways you’ll be made fun of. When you ask, “What’s below that?” Maybe it’s fear of humiliation and judgment. What’s below that? Maybe it’s a fear of being ostracized. Below that? Fear of abandonment. Below that? Maybe the core is fear of being alone.
Now for someone else, maybe the core is the humiliation, so that person doesn’t need to dig further.
I've summarized these fears into easy to understand sentences, but you may have to interpret the words/feelings because it may not be so overt.
Go until you feel the truth in your gut. Until you remember when you put yourself out there and something bad happened. Or maybe you saw it happen to someone else and decided you’d never put yourself in that same situation. Maybe it’s a limit one of your parents had. Regardless of whether it’s yours or another’s, find the deep root truth.
Once you know your truth, then you can set about changing that belief system. Write out a quick summary of the responses you got on a blank piece of loose-leaf paper, going to the core wound. When it's complete, call your energy and power back from the list; imagine yourself getting stronger/bigger energetically.
Next, if it’s tied to a specific event or person, jot down the event or person on the same piece of paper.
In your mind, imagine erasing the event/events that lead to this core Doubt/Fear. Take your magic eraser and tell your subconscious that you’re erasing the negative impact from that event(s). Feel even more of your energy coming back to you in present time as you do. If there’s no event you know of, no worries, skip that part and focus on the core wound.
Now, cross out everything you’ve written and write “VOID” across it in big letters. Then tear it up and either burn it or throw it away, thus showing your subconscious that you’re done with it.
Once that’s complete, write the opposite of the core wound on a clean piece of paper, the new belief you choose to have instead. Using the example above, you could write, "The more I pursue X, the more love and community there is in my life."
Find what new belief would excite and engage you. Maybe write it with a colored pen or on a beautiful piece of paper. Write it large! Then read it daily with feeling, until it sinks in and becomes your new reality.
It’s time to regain your light, your creative expression, your vision. It doesn’t have to be grand, but it does matter because it’s your desire. Our desires were given to us because we have the capability to bring them into being. They’re not there to torture us as something unattainable. So start small; gather your courage. Your courage to pursue that which could augment your life and bring you more joy- from a creative project to a promotion, to a healthier relationship. Do it for you.
Because you can’t control how others will respond, but if you can imagine the pursuit of what you want to bring forth to be of infinite value, you will have good ammo to tell Doubt/Fear, “Not today, thank you.”
Then show Doubt/Fear the door.
The first few years of planting a vegetable garden after going through miscarriages and infertility, I was an emotional wreck if anything happened to my plants. I would meltdown in fury or grief if a plant died or got sick or didn’t grow correctly. If there were insects eating my plants, I would go into a violent rage. It was all because the garden couldn’t just be a garden; I made the garden a symbol for my ability/inability to create life.
I would go quite dark during the times my garden was having issues; I was not fun to be around. I wasn’t able to allow the garden to simply be, I tried to control it in order to heal my own pain.
Anyone who gardens knows that there’s only so much you can do. You hope for a great crop, but some things are out of your control, and you need to go with the flow.
Flow I could not do. I created an image in my mind of what it would mean about me as a person if I had a thriving, abundant garden. Anything less than that meant I was a personal failure.
I bring this up today because it came up a in few sessions this past week; taking a neutral item and giving it tremendous symbolism, so much so that it’s very existence, or lack thereof, defined a person’s value and worth.
Is that fair? No. Do we all do it sometimes? Yes.
So, how do you heal this?
First, recognition is key; you can’t heal what you’re unaware of.
Next, you need to untangle the negative associations between you and what it symbolizes. Release the meaning; allow the item to simply “be” without your added input. This is a hard step because you really need to separate out all implications and significance around the item and instead, look within to see what you need to heal. Sometimes it’s easier to point the blame/upset outward than acknowledge and release the torrent of emotions within. But they won’t go away until they’re released, which means facing them.
It’s up to you how you do that: you can work them out with a professional, you can journal them, or speak them out. Whatever your method, give them voice, even if it’s scary.
I spent so much time in rage bubbles (method here) during those years, but I refused to release the symbology. That’s the next step: disengage. The thing that happened needs healing, and the item is neutral. They aren’t combined. The plant your loved one gave you that you killed doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person who doesn’t deserve love. That city you love can be a joyous place to visit, versus it being a symbol of love lost. That house can be redesigned and updated, instead of a constant reminder of past pain.
You disengage by imagining the item before you becoming devoid of your energy and power; call it all back to you. Then fill it, and yourself, with pure golden light. Again, see it as separate from you, not part of, or attached to you.
It may take repeated times of allowing the item its energy and calling yours back to you. Don’t give up, do it as often as you need.
If it’s too intense, don’t participate in, or go to the place that holds the symbol. I probably shouldn’t have created a vegetable garden year after year, instead letting myself grieve and heal without added pressure. Alas, hindsight…
Release all those old symbols and own a new level of personal power by allowing things to simply be, without the emotional baggage. Give yourself the healing and freedom you desire and deserve.
I’ve heard from so many of you that last week was intense and emotions were high. Not only for you personally, but from what you were witnessing in others.
Since you cannot change others, sometimes you need to just walk away and breathe. Don’t engage crazy (see previous blog); take the high road. And when it comes to you, be cognizant of your own emotions.
The only way through an emotion is to feel it. Fully. Don’t judge it, nor try to bury or deny it. Sink into the feeling of it, no matter how uncomfortable, and express it. Ideally to yourself through speaking it or journaling it, or simply being with it. You will release it by allowing it.
Whatever you do, don’t take it out on others by venting or dumping it on them; be responsible with your feelings. If you need to talk it out with another, then do so to understand the emotion, not to simply purge it into another’s space.
Recognize that the emotion may not feel rational because it may not be in present time; maybe it’s been repressed and is now coming to the surface to be released. If it feels that way, ask the emotion where it comes from and then sit quietly and be open to any images or flashes of insight from your subconscious. A full memory may surface, or snippets of awareness.
If it’s from a painful time, again, don’t try to shove it back down and repress it. If you really don’t want to keep feeling it, you need to accept it. For example, while breathing it out say, “I accept I feel incredible fury because of X. I honor this fury and release it now with every exhale. I choose my freedom and inner peace in its place.”
Imagine the emotion as a color that you exhale out from your whole body, specifically the places it’s been trapped, and then see the energies you want in its place- in the example above, freedom and inner peace- as a color and breath those in. If you don’t know where it sits in your body, that’s fine. Don’t get in your head with it, just accept and release it. If you resist it, it’ll be like glue in your space.
You may need to repeat that multiple times until the emotion dissipates and transforms.
Also be aware that there’s a difference between, for example, anger, rage, fury, and hostility, just like there’s a difference between sadness, grief, disappointment, and despair etc. Sometimes anger is simply anger and sometimes it’s really i.e., vengeance. The more you can call out the exact truth of the emotion versus just blanket words such as anger and sadness, the easier it is to release it down to its core.
If you need, look up synonyms for the main feeling and see which resonates as the real emotion.
Remember as well, grounding yourself is key when emotions and chaos are high. Yes I’m a broken record, but earth energy and connecting to the planet can transmute emotional intensity. Think of the energies right now like a tornado; it’s easy to get swept up in them. You can either be flying around, feeling out of sorts, crabby and tired, or you could be grounded, in your body, and feeling the tornado as simply a light breeze blowing past. Grounding will help prevent you from short circuiting due to emotional overload.
The more you can honor the truth of your experience, the easier it’ll be to transform it into something lighter. Remember, feeling the emotion is key. You don’t need to stay with it or wallow in it, but do feel it fully in order to move through to the other side, where freedom and beauty awaits.
For some of you, what I’m going to talk about will make total sense, and for others, it’s a non-issue. It’s been coming up quite often in sessions, which is always a sign for me to write about it in case more of you are feeling this same way.
Some of you love social media; it helps you thrive and that’s great. If it’s your favorite, go for it! This blog is not for you. This is for those who feel worse after being on it. Who feel anxious, off center, can’t disconnect from their apps, and who start to go into the dark places within themselves.
I occasionally go on social media, but very rarely on Facebook. I noticed years ago that I would get severe anxiety if I was on Facebook for more than five minutes. I could feel the energy impacting my solar plexus (3rd chakra). What I started to observe, is that there’s something in the energetics of that particular platform that are designed to both hook into someone’s space, and knock out their grounding, so that they stay engaged. Some people are immune to it, and some people are affected without even realizing it.
If you do decide to go on social media (and especially those of you prone to anxiety), before you open that app, center your energy inside yourself and put a violet shield around your space to help you have boundaries. Once you’ve been on and are done, you’ll want your energy back/cleared and here’s what can help:
1: Separate out your energy from whatever platform you were on and call your energy back (see resources page). Do this with the overall platform as well as any individuals who triggered you. And if you were incredibly triggered or started down the rabbit hole of comparisons, take your power back from those individuals and remind yourself, “I am good enough. My path and my timing are my own.”
You may also need to take your power back from your own negative ego and inner critic. Silence them and stand in the power pose to remember your worth.
2: Visualize removing the psychic hook between you and the app you were on. See/imagine that hook and literally use your hand to actively unhook yourself. As you hold the hook in your hand, away from your body, watch it dissolve. As it dissolves it breaks the connection between you and what you were attached to, freeing you.
3: Imagine closing and locking the door between you and that platform. You can close it gently or slam it shut; whatever will help you disengage. You can take it a step further and erase the door. That’s one of my favorite techniques to do in any situation where there’s been too much of an energy exchange. It gives a clear message to the subconscious.
4: Ground yourself. If you’re feeling especially out of sorts, run earth energy.
5: Fill yourself with your own sparkly life force energy or with Divine light.
Beyond social media, at the end of the day you can also disconnect from all devices. I take my imaginary scissors and cut the cords between me and both my phone and computer. I either run them up the front of my body or go specifically to where I feel the energy drain. If you’re on your device all day, that frequency can jack you up or deplete you. Run some earth energy, even just in your feet.
Don’t give your power away to your devices or to any platforms. Do the above to help and if you still feel off and it’s important/necessary to be on your devices and certain platforms, then train your subconscious, “I am immune to the negative energies and electromagnetics here.” State that over and over until you feel your boundaries getting stronger.
Your energy is precious; make sure it stays in you.
* Red highlighted words are linked to previous blogs
We all have many different aspects of ourselves: the inner child, negative ego, inner adolescent, the critic, the conscious adult, the inner coach, etc. - who’s driving your bus? Is it the conscious adult aware you? Or have you given the wheel to someone else in the list above? Are they running roughshod through your life, smacking into buildings and ripping up gardens, or are you driving on course with purpose, focus, and empowerment?
An element of taking responsibility for your life is recognizing which part of you is responding, and thus driving the bus, in every given moment. Only you can bring yourself into present time and respond as an adult.
If you’re stuck in blame- still blaming mom and dad, blaming your circumstances, blaming others -you are not in your conscious adult; you have let your inner child or adolescent run the show. If you want to be treated like an adult and respected as an adult, you need to take your power back from those parts.
You are not a victim to any aspect of your life. This can be hard to realize, but if you’re stuck in blaming, there’s a part of you unwilling to take responsibility. However, you always have a choice as to how you respond, and you can choose differently. Daily, even hourly, you can make different choices that are empowering. That release the past and help you focus on the future.
Over a decade ago, I got completely triggered by something someone asked of me. I could tell my inner child was amping up with a vengeance because she was furious with the options presented. I paused the conversation with a brief, “Give me a moment,” excused myself, went into the bathroom, and threw a quiet temper tantrum with silent screaming for a minute or two, getting out all the stuck emotions. I gave my inner child full permission to vent all the reasons she was melting down. When she was done, I moved her aside, pulled myself together, tapped into my power, and came out of the bathroom to handle the situation like an adult. That technique worked so well, that I still use it as needed. And ironically, I was in a class last week and the teacher spoke of almost the exact same technique. So clearly others got the same idea I did and have put it into play.
The key is to really go to town and stomp your feet etc., releasing everything negative your inner child, adolescent, or ego feel. Then come back out of the bathroom/room and calmly respond to the situation at hand. If you need more processing than a two-minute tantrum, then tell the other person you need to sit with what they said and walk away to work through the issue. This also is true of emails or texts- don’t respond out of emotional reactivity!
Have adult you take the wheel. Your life is precious. Stop wasting it allowing the past to control and dictate your behavior; take conscious responsibility and choose how to spend your time and energy. The choice is yours.
I’ve taught this to many of you over the years, but lately it’s been coming up more often, so I figured I would put it out there for everyone.
This is a technique to help you own a new space- house, apartment, or temporary living situation- by infusing it your energy. When you claim a space as yours, it helps you to feel more grounded and safe within that space. It will also help you settle in much more quickly. And even though I said it's for a "new" space, you can use it for your current one, especially if you've never felt settled there.
I once had a client use this technique in a theatre where she was performing. It helped her be more present and comfortable on stage. So while it's usually used for a living situation, feel free to get creative as you need.
Here’s how you do it:
First, walk around the space and notice the layout: all the corners in all rooms and each room’s general shape. When you can visualize that clearly, then either literally or figuratively, depending on if it's possible, stand wherever the center of the house or apartment etc. is.
Starting in whichever room you want, begin to imagine golden cords of light, like a rope, streaming towards you from each upper corner of that room, down and into your dominant hand. Then imagine ropes/cords of light coming from every bottom corner of that same room, and into your dominant hand. When you’ve finished one room, move on to the next, all the while staying stationary in the approximate center of the house. As you gather the cords, it should look as if you’re holding strings from a huge bunch of balloons.
As you practice and get better at this technique, it becomes easier to stand in the center of the house and imagine these cords coming to you. However, if you’re in a space with many odd shaped rooms and the way I described seems too hard, you can also do the technique in one room at a time, gathering your cords, while walking from room to room. For some, this is a preferred method in that as you walk the space, you really see the outline of the house/apartment and are able to inhabit it more fully. After you've been in every room, while holding your bunch of cords, then move to the center of the overall space.
Once you have all the cords gathered in your hand, with complete authority and ownership claim, “my space!” and lift your hand and slam those cords down into the center of the planet. Imagine them going all the way down to the core of the planet and rooting/anchoring in. Let go of the cords.
Now imagine/visualize a golden light emanating from each corner of the whole house/apartment, expanding out to create a ball of light around the outside of the overall space.
Your energy is now able to fill the rooms and the entire space. If you’re in an apartment building, only do this for your apartment, not the whole building. Let the ball surrounding the space only surround your apartment.
If you live with others, when it comes time to claim the space, claim it in the name of each of you. Even though you’re doing the visualizing, before grounding those cords say, “I claim this space in my name and the name(s) of…” If you don’t add them in, generally it’s not an issue, but sometimes your energy can become so dominant in the space, that the others who live there will feel squished and irritable without knowing why. So be respectful.
May this bring increased harmony to your living situation!
Today I’m sharing a technique for those occasions when you’re undecided between two options. I know I recently wrote a blog about what could be underneath indecision (see here), and truly we always know the answer inside, but sometimes stuff gets in the way of us accessing that knowing. When faced with choices that seemingly could be good for different reasons, here’s a way to gain clarity. This will help you feel your intuition’s wisdom.
You can use this for a job, a move, - really anything.
Here’s what you do:
Set aside two chairs, side by side with a good amount of space between them. Grab two small pieces of paper and a pen.
On one piece of paper, write the name of one option. Keep it simple, just the title you want to give it. While you’re holding that paper, think about all the different aspects of that particular option. For example, if it’s a job, infuse it with the location, the people who’ve met so far, your title- anything you know already. Think about all of that and imagine that energy flowing into the paper. When you’ve really infused it with every aspect of that option, set it down on a chair.
Then pick up the other piece of paper and do the same thing with the second option. Put it on a different chair.
Now, close your eyes and while standing or sitting on a chair without any paper on it, feel your feet on the floor. Imagine roots growing from your feet down into the center of the planet and imagine a strong root/cord/tree trunk growing from your tailbone down to the center of the planet. Hook those roots from both areas in. Bring your attention back to your body. Pull all of your energy tightly into the center of your body with every inhale.* Put your hand over your stomach and sink your awareness there. We want your gut wisdom engaged, not your conscious mind. Take a few deep breaths. When you’re ready, open your eyes, pick up your papers, shuffle them without looking, and then place them face down on each chair. This will prevent any pre-conceived ideas about which choice is “right,” as well as any negative ego interference.
Once you have both pieces of paper on different chairs, sit down on one of the chairs, and notice either overt, or subtle things, that you start feeling. Does your body feel lighter? Heavier? Do you feel happy? Angry? Do you want to stay seated or are you wanting to get up quickly? Notice everything that comes up, even the very faint sensations.
Nothing happening can be a sign too. Or it can mean you’re over-thinking and not feeling. You’ll know which it is when you move on to chair two.
When you’ve gotten some awareness, stand up, and literally shake off that energy. Move your whole body: shake out your arms and legs and even jump a couple times.
Then ask yourself to come back to neutral. Briefly ground again, breath, center, then tap your heart area and drink some water.
When you’re neutral, sit on the next chair and do the same thing; notice what comes up.
If on both chairs you feel nothing, then you’re not in your body. You need to root in and open your gut intuition to receive your answers. Ground more deeply or do something physical to anchor into yourself. Then try again. Be patient, maybe you’re out of body more than you realize. That itself is a good message to receive.
Even if it’s subtle, you should be able to tell which chair you prefer to sit on. That will be your answer. Your gut intuition will not lie when it comes to sitting on the energy. Your innate intelligence knows the answer, let it speak.
When you’ve chosen which chair you prefer, turn the papers over and see the answer.
By the way, sometimes you might be bummed with the answer. What a clue! You knew all along what you wanted. But your body isn’t lying so either you misinterpreted something, or your need to explore one option is stronger than what your gut says. In those cases, just know that going in.
As you work with this, let me know if you have any questions.
May this bring you incredible clarity and insights.
* See previous blogs on grounding if you're unfamiliar with how to do what I'm describing.
Me, Tina Germain, just sharing ways to make you the best you can be!