While you cannot control the timing of certain events in your life, you absolutely can control your preparation and the work you do on yourself, in order to augment and be ready for those events.
Meaning, let’s say you really want a relationship. Are you sitting around pining for one and lamenting what’s going wrong, or are you working on your self-worth, your self-esteem, and your value? Are you clearing old stories from childhood? Who shows up when meeting a new potential partner- is it your inner child just wanting to be loved? Is it your adolescent thriving on drama? Or are you in your inner adult, ready and able to communicate, even when it gets scary? The more you can become conscious of which part of you is creating the type of person you’re attracted to and attracting, as well as bringing yourself into a place of owning your value and worth, the more you’ll actively make the situation ripe for a healthy relationship.
Another example: say you’ve really been wanting more money, it’s all you think about. Are you doing the work to clear the money story you grew up with, or do you still believe creating money is a struggle and/or judge those who have money? Are you actively seeking out financial experts and coaches who can help you to grow and expand your ideas about money? Or are you just complaining that it’s not there?
Here’s why it’s also important to do your work: because let’s say tomorrow a financial windfall comes to you – if you haven’t done the inner work necessary, the old stories may come in around, i.e. lack of worth and guilt in regard to money, thus creating situations where you make unwise choices, having your windfall disappear quickly. However, when you work your money mentality and clear out faulty beliefs, feelings, and old stories, then you can be responsible for larger and larger amounts of money and know how to handle it wisely. The difference in those two scenarios is you having done the inner work necessary to hold that reality of being wealthy, while participating in the co-creation of money, versus just expecting it to come and miraculously solve everything, while not truly being ready to receive it.
That holds true for relationships as well. I did the work for years on myself to really own my value and worth in regard to love and the kind of relationship I was choosing to create when I met my husband. I did a lot of work healing my inner child and adolescent to clear old issues/beliefs. I don’t think I could’ve received this level of love had I not done that work.
If you wanted to be an Olympic athlete, you would train. If you wanted to be a piano virtuoso, you would train. It’s no different in your reality creation. Except the training is working internally on yourself to clear old beliefs, thoughts, attitudes, stories, and feelings, to be the most receptive and best you can be, to attract the best there is for you.
I’ve spoken a lot about forgiveness, and it’s come up quite often in sessions lately, because more than anything, forgiveness has the power to shift energy that otherwise seems completely unmovable.
If there’s ever anyone or anything in your life that you're in resistance to, or fighting, or it’s creating an intense emotional reaction – all of those things take away your energy. Take your power back and forgive. Forgive yourself for having that situation in your life, and forgive the situation and release it. You don’t even have to know the specifics, the fact that you’re experiencing it and it’s causing distress, is enough to use the power of forgiveness to cut through the blockages so you can gain freedom.
Recently I was asked to do something on a day off that I really didn’t want to do, but knew I needed to. My initial reaction was anger at even being asked. I took a moment, acknowledged why I was angry, and then chose to release the anger, and forgive the other person involved. I truly meant it. I forgave them, and myself. Then I asked for help from the Universe. And wouldn’t you know it, the issue resolved immediately as I was led to the very solution needed, without having to take away any of my down time. It was such a quick and elegant response and showed how beautifully forgiveness can shift an issue.
An issue arose a week after that where I lost my iPad and after looking everywhere, again I took a moment to truly forgive myself for misplacing it. Then I released it and surrendered it to the Universe. A few minutes later, as I was ready to walk away, my eyes went to a bag I hadn’t checked. There inside was my pad.
I’ve told you forgiveness has the power to shift big issues and relationships, but these stories illustrate that even the smallest of issues can be transformed.
Certain big issues may be harder to forgive than others, but you don’t always have to forgive what happened, because truly sometimes the “what” is unforgivable, just forgive the energy behind it. Forgive yourself for allowing it in your reality or for wanting to learn something by going through that experience. Forgive yourself for attracting it into your life.
We may never know why bad things happen, sometimes its an issue coming from the unconscious or other lifetimes that needs resolving. So instead of beating yourself up, forgive yourself and choose differently.
As an aside: I get that if it was an absolutely horrific event, then what I’m saying may not make sense or seem do-able. That’s a much deeper conversation than this blog post.
I’ve told many of you this story, but for those who don’t know, there was a time in my life that somebody came in that was just awful to me. And I don’t attract awful people. But this person was going to be around for the long-haul and I was determined to change the energy. I refused to have that sort of negative energy in my reality.
Every day, I would take a moment to think of them and forgive myself for attracting them into my reality and forgive the pain etc. they were in that was causing their behavior. I wasn’t forgiving their actual behavior, I was forgiving what was behind it, causing them to lash out. I also forgave the energy between us.
To be clear, this was not a saintly act. I wasn’t condoning their behavior by forgiving them. I did this for me; it was totally self-serving because I didn’t want animosity in my life. I set myself free by forgiving myself and them.
I did this consistently for years, every morning, taking maybe 2- or 3-minutes max. The relationship shifted so dramatically, that now it’s wonderfully lovely. Complete night and day to how it was. And I totally credit it with the forgiveness work.
You cannot think in a linear way when you’re doing forgiveness work. Nor when you’re choosing to take responsibility for your reality. Because there are certain things that won’t make rational sense to you. And you could say, “Well I didn’t attract this person into my reality or allow them, they came with a marriage, or they’re a friend of a friend, or they came with a new job.” But it’s still your reality. And they’re in your reality for a reason.
So you can either rail against them/the situation and go into more resistance, more righteousness, and more anger, or you could start a forgiveness process. Forgiving anything and everything as to why you would allow this type of energy into your reality.
Just because it took me a couple years, doesn’t mean it has to take you that long. The energy on the planet is speeding up, things won’t take as long as they needed to before.
It might feel like just words at first, but the more you can say the words and truly get into the feeling of forgiveness, the more powerful it will be.
As for self-forgiveness, you can forgive yourself for having a pattern of anger in your life, you can forgive yourself for divebombing into self-pity when things don’t go your way, you can forgive yourself for needing to control everything – the list is endless. You can go into forgiveness for anything. Truly mean it though and be willing to release the destructive habits and patterns. If you do this and then fall into that same habit/pattern, forgive again and choose to receive the healing necessary to move forward.
Anything can be transformed by the power of forgiveness. You hold the key to that power.
If you can believe it, it was a year ago this week that all the lockdowns started for Covid. At least here in Los Angeles. A whole year!
I for one, was completely incorrect and assumed that it would be gone by May or June at the latest. Clearly there’s a continuing bigger lesson that humanity needs to learn.
It has absolutely been a practice in surrender and accepting what is.
There are so many things that have changed during this time, and some things that may never return to the way they were.
For some, this past year has been truly horrific, and for others, it has been a beautiful gift. Most people fall between those two extremes.
Today, I want you to take a moment and acknowledge how much you’ve changed this past year. Even if you had moments of melting down and fighting against the lockdowns and limitations and hating it, and/or not ever wanting it to end – wherever you are in the spectrum – I want you to take a moment and think about the things that you appreciate from this past year.
Even if it was phenomenally hard on you, can you find five things that you’re grateful for and that you appreciate about what this forced global time-out has shown you?
Next, think about the things that you now recognize matter most to you, that you may not have put strong focus on before. For example, maybe you’ve always known your family matters, but this past year you’ve really realized how much value you put on family. Or maybe it’s having your freedoms, or travel, maybe it's your health, or human connection. What did this past year show you about what matters?
So, five things you’re grateful for and/or appreciate, and three places that you realize matter to you incredibly.
As you vibrate in gratitude, you bring more of what you’re grateful for into your life. As you focus on appreciation, you open your heart and again, attract more to appreciate. And as you identify what really matters, you know how to structure your time, energy and focus.
Acknowledge how far you’ve come, as you turn your gaze to a beautiful new future.
This topic has been coming up a lot, so I need to remind you of something: YOU have the power in your space. YOU. No one else. If someone is invading your energy field or body, kick them out. If you can't feel your boundaries, imagine and feed them energy by your focus, and then work on yourself consistently to call your energy into your center, anchoring into yourself.
Most importantly, own your crown chakra.
The crown chakra is at the top of your head and its color is violet. Sometimes people abdicate their crown to follow a guru or to surrender their will to another. Don’t do that. You know best what’s right for you; don’t apologize for listening to your inner guidance.
In addition, don’t look to another to give you permission to do what you want/need. You need to give yourself permission. You are your best authority on everything related to you.
Something I recommend doing, is taking back your crown chakra.
While imagining your energy focused at the top of your head, see/feel/be in that violet light, and own, out loud or in your head, in your most powerful voice:
“I have sovereignty in my space. I have seniority. I am the authority in my space.”
You can also add: “No one has permission to be in my space, except me!”
Claim it, command it, and kick out any squatters in the form of parents, teachers, or anyone else.
Don’t go into fear or resistance when you do that because those'll hold in the negative energies. Simply be in empowerment.
I say the above daily to own my space, as well as if I ever feel someone trying to get into my space or impose their will on mine.
If you’ve ever felt too spun out or light-headed (notice the truth of those phrases), spun out means you’re spread too thin energy wise, while light-headed means there’s not enough energy anchoring you into yourself and your crown is too wide. With both, you need to ground into the earth and call your energy close, back into the center of you. Imagine your central channel running from the top of your head to the base of your spine, directly in the center of you. Call your energy there. Activate that area.
Then claim your space as I said above.
You may still need to clear your space as I’ve taught before, however the above is an added step in ownership of you and your energy field.
You can also ask your Higher Self to help your crown chakra be the perfect size for you, especially if it’s too wide and you’re taking in everyone else’s stuff.
It’s your space, so own it as such and treat it with the reverence it deserves.
You always have a choice as to how you see a situation that doesn’t go well or is harder or more difficult than you imagined, and when your best laid plans don’t turn out the way you’d hoped. You can either beat yourself up, or you can say, “I didn’t know what I didn’t know.”
I’m in the middle of a project in my personal reality and that is my current mantra when things don’t go as I thought they would.
You really can’t know what you don’t know until you’re going through it. There are things that won’t be perfect. There are things you’ll screw up. It doesn’t mean you’re bad and wrong, nor is it wise to use it as an excuse to let your negative ego beat the crap out of you and tell you how awful and stupid you are.
The most empowered way to handle missteps and “mistakes” is to forgive yourself, and to recognize that there’s a lot out there you don’t know, and you can only do the best you can with the knowledge and information you currently have. You will always learn more and have more insight the next time.
And let me tell you, not only is forgiveness the most self-loving response, it also helps you to find solutions to difficult issues.
The alternative is to dive bomb into the blame and regret of, “I should’ve...” And how does that help you move forward?
Forgiveness, lots of deep breaths, and grounding help. Because truly, you don’t know, what you don’t know.
Me, just sharing ways to make you the best you can be!