Alleviating Kickback

Sometimes after manifesting the creation of big dreams, there can be kickback from our negative ego and other lesser aspects of self. This happened to me last week.
 
I was able to create something huge I’d been working on for 7 years in my personal healing process. It was amazing! And yes, while it took 7 years, I don’t go into self-judgment. 
 
If you’re working to heal a major issue that may even have aspects from past lives, it takes time.

​Which is a reminder to those of you who want a quick fix or want to heal immediately. That doesn’t always happen, especially when there are layers. 
 
It doesn’t mean I wasn’t impatient or angry at times; I certainly was. And I kept doing the emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical work necessary to achieve my goal. 
 
The key is to focus on the end goal and how you’ll feel once you have the thing you desire. And never give up, even if things seem impossible. There’s always a way. 
 
I found the next successive way each time I was ready to heal on a deeper level. Whenever I’d take a step up in receiving, a new way would open. Plus, I worked the layers and layers of shame that questioned why the issue was still happening and what was wrong with me that I wasn’t healing. Shame and judgment must be released because they’re roadblocks to recovery. 
 
So back to my original premise - I achieved my goal; it was spectacular. And the next day, I got slammed with a physical infection. It knocked me out and at first, depressed the hell out of me and made me feel like a failure. There was that shame again. I achieved my goal so why did this happen?
 
Interestingly, two people, one being an Urgent Care Doctor, reflected back to me that it was just a blip, just old stuff releasing. It didn’t mean I was back to square one. Not at all. 
 
As I took that in, I realized this was kickback. Kickback is when you create something fantastic and the next day or soon after, something negative happens. It can feel like 2 steps forward, one step back. But kickback can be cleared so that it’s full steam ahead.
 
Kickback occurs because you’ve stretched into becoming more. Think of yourself like a rubber band- you’re so used to being a certain shape that when you do something amazing and expand by leaps and bounds, your shape snaps back to close to where it was before as that’s your normal.
 
You’re not bad and wrong, you’re simply used to a specific frequency of being, one that your negative ego, inner child, or inner adolescent etc. are used to. When I became more of my light and my love in achieving my goal, parts of me couldn’t hold that expansion, they snapped back. 
 
The next morning, as I grounded myself, which is super important to be IN your body, I expanded my space. I acknowledged the kickback, took my power back from it, forgave and released all the energies involved, and visualized and imagined expanding my space- my energy field and the energy in my body- to hold this new success. I saw myself stretching my boundaries and I even used my hands to push out more space around me. To hold my success and allow it to grow. To allow for more success- greater and grander success. Since I was rooted to the earth, I could help my body safely feel the expansiveness I was choosing to create. And it felt wonderful.
 
Illness wasn’t there to stop me, simply to remind me to release what no longer serves me and be more of my light. To forgive on a deeper level and own the reality I was choosing to create. 
 
I will add a side note: I know some of you are beating yourselves up for getting sick; illness happens. It may not always be kickback, maybe it’s the need to stop and be for a while. Maybe it gives you space to focus on yourself versus others. Maybe there’s a deeper healing message that you need to receive. As I said above, let go of judgment and surrender to the self-love required. 

As for me, I took time off last week and let myself rest and heal. I gently continued to visualize that I was expanding into more, while giving myself the time necessary to integrate my new change. 

​Whenever you create a fabulous personal healing or success, stretch your space immediately to help you hold that new reality, before kickback can happen. And if it does happen anyway, take it as a sign that you’ve really grown way beyond who you were before, which is a wonderful thing.

A little gentleness goes a long way when healing yourself. Give yourself that gift as you stretch and grow into more of your truer self.