I heard a fascinating lecture from Dr. Sue Morter (can you tell I love her with all my references lately?!). She pointed out that when you say you need to love yourself, simply in that statement it shows that you are identified as your mind, as if you are two people. “The mind is a tool we have versus what we’re supposed to be identified as. We’re supposed to use it, versus letting it run the show.”
What you’re really saying with that self-love statement is, “I want to be more deeply my soul self instead of my ego mind self. I want to lead from my love, not from my mind.” The soul doesn’t have to learn to love itself, because it is love. We want to connect with and identify as our soulful self.
From the mind, we cannot love, yet we think we can. The mind is where all the distortions around love come in. Distortions are saying you love someone, yet really you’re manipulating the other, or trying to control them to do what you want and what you think is right. Distortions are also jealousies, possessiveness, and feeling like the love will be lost unless you hold on tightly and don’t allow the other their freedom of expression or preferences. It’s also guilting or shaming another to get your way. None of these are actual love, which is why we become distrustful of love, because all we know are the distortions. Those distortions were done to us and so we in turn, do them to others.
True love is very different. True love, what everyone really wants, is absolutely available yet it requires that you quiet your monkey mind and surrender to your soulful self. It’s a soul vibration that knows peace and safety, trust and faith. It’s in each of our cores, it’s not something you need to seek outside of you or go find. It’s in you, waiting to be uncovered and acknowledged.
In order to bring it out, observe how you move about your day: do you allow your ego mind to rule you or do you come from love? Are you trying to get something from another or are you holding the space for love and healing, while allowing them their truths? Do you forgive or do you punish and blame?
The same goes for how you treat yourself. Ego mind wants to abuse and berate you for your “failures,” soul self knows there are no failures, everything is a learning opportunity, and you at your core, are a being of love. You’re here to learn and grow but also to have fun and love with abandon.
Self-love is allowing that loving part of you to be in charge. Self-care and nurturing are ways we start to connect with our soul self to experience that love.
When you connect in with soul, you aren’t reactive, you are calm. You have compassion. Being soulful doesn’t mean you’re all love with zero boundaries, quite the opposite. You have strong boundaries because you honor your space.
It’s within you, yet you can’t access it without quiet time, without meditation and mindfulness: mindfulness of your actions and reactions.
This life is a temporary blip, love is eternal. And only in the physical can we really experience it. So allow yourself to go there. Yes you’ve had pain and grief etc., but will you let that define you or will you seek the help you need to overcome that and come back to soul self - the truer you? Take the leap, amazing love awaits.
 Dr. Sue Morter Lecture on “Creating Sacred Relationships.”
Me, just sharing ways to make you the best you can be!