Holding Space

Last week I spoke of not judging yourself, and this week I want to say: don’t judge anyone else for how they process their pain etc. This doesn’t just apply to the current situation in the world.
 
Some of you are fixers, you want to fix the problem and make it better. However, there are certain things you just can’t fix. There is tremendous power in holding space for another person; allowing them their grief, anger, fear, etc., while simply listening. You don’t need to make it better, in fact, doing so might take away from their ability to figure it out or process through their emotions. Saying, “You’re right, it is really hard. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through,” period, end of sentence, is such a beautiful expression of compassion.
 
Sometimes a person might actually want you to make it better. If you’re not sure, ask, “Do you just need an ear or do you want assistance and possible solutions?”
 
When you do that, you honor their needs without over-giving on your part. If you jump in and give first, you could end up feeling resentment or anger if the advice you’ve given is ignored. 
 
I heard a fascinating discussion with Glennon Doyle in which she said that when you try to make it better for someone else by pointing out the positives when they’re in a dark place, all it does is shame them. As if their experience isn’t ok if it’s negative.
 
Everyone is going through a lot right now, light and dark. You, and they, are allowed to experience all of it: sometimes in the same moment. 
 
Remember that this week and unless asked, don’t try to make it better for anyone else: allow them to be wherever they are. 
 
 
​