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Responsibility and Choice

10/13/2021

3 Comments

 
​We all have many different aspects of ourselves: the inner child, negative ego, inner adolescent, the critic, the conscious adult, the inner coach, etc. - who’s driving your bus? Is it the conscious adult aware you? Or have you given the wheel to someone else in the list above? Are they running roughshod through your life, smacking into buildings and ripping up gardens, or are you driving on course with purpose, focus, and empowerment?

An element of taking responsibility for your life is recognizing which part of you is responding, and thus driving the bus, in every given moment.  Only you can bring yourself into present time and respond as an adult. 
 
If you’re stuck in blame- still blaming mom and dad, blaming your circumstances, blaming others -you are not in your conscious adult; you have let your inner child or adolescent run the show. If you want to be treated like an adult and respected as an adult, you need to take your power back from those parts.
 
You are not a victim to any aspect of your life. This can be hard to realize, but if you’re stuck in blaming, there’s a part of you unwilling to take responsibility. However, you always have a choice as to how you respond, and you can choose differently. Daily, even hourly, you can make different choices that are empowering. That release the past and help you focus on the future.

Over a decade ago, I got completely triggered by something someone asked of me. I could tell my inner child was amping up with a vengeance because she was furious with the options presented. I paused the conversation with a brief, “Give me a moment,” excused myself, went into the bathroom, and threw a quiet temper tantrum with silent screaming for a minute or two, getting out all the stuck emotions. I gave my inner child full permission to vent all the reasons she was melting down. When she was done, I moved her aside, pulled myself together, tapped into my power, and came out of the bathroom to handle the situation like an adult. That technique worked so well, that I still use it as needed. And ironically, I was in a class last week and the teacher spoke of almost the exact same technique. So clearly others got the same idea I did and have put it into play. 
 
The key is to really go to town and stomp your feet etc., releasing everything negative your inner child, adolescent, or ego feel. Then come back out of the bathroom/room and calmly respond to the situation at hand. If you need more processing than a two-minute tantrum, then tell the other person you need to sit with what they said and walk away to work through the issue. This also is true of emails or texts- don’t respond out of emotional reactivity!

​Have adult you take the wheel. Your life is precious. Stop wasting it allowing the past to control and dictate your behavior; take conscious responsibility and choose how to spend your time and energy. The choice is yours. 




3 Comments
L.S.
10/14/2021 03:18:58 pm

Thanks for this one, Tina! I'm trying to let my inner adult drive my bus most of the time, but wow. So many past characters trying to steal the keys!!
xo

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Paul
10/15/2021 09:18:16 am

Hi Tina,

Great post and so, so true!!

I'd like to say there are never any instances when I'm not fully in control and driving the bus like a pro but that would be both disingenuous and untrue!!

It always amazes me when I'm having an argument with someone in my head ( or sometimes out loud but still by myself) and I catch myself. Most times it actually makes me laugh and snaps me out of it but it's always a pretty stark reminder that there's some unfinished business that needs to be looked at before I side-swipe some unsuspecting innocents!!
Really good technique and one that I will most certainly file away for the next time I'm triggered!!

Awesome job, keep up the amazing work!!
xoxo

Reply
Halle
10/15/2021 06:28:02 pm

The timing of your blog is so amazing -- I did EXACTLY this yesterday driving home from an appointment. I was so furious and pissed so I really let myself vent. It's such a great technique, so effective!

I think the problem is when people can't tell the difference between their various parts of self and then get stuck in the part that's triggered, identifying with it and consequently running a victim-marytr and/or blame script. I was in that place for years and it sucks!

One of the things that so great about your blog is that you really do a good job of helping people become more conscious of their younger part of self so that they can vent and then get back to their adult. Absolutely brilliant!

Yay to responsibility and choice!!

Xoxo

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