Well over a decade ago after I had gone through a very painful miscarriage, my girlfriend Heather asked me a question that was so beautiful in its compassion, it left me speechless.
She said to me, “How can I best support you right now?” At the time, even though I thought I didn’t know what I needed, after a moment my answer was, “space and quiet.” The profound power of that question has stuck with me. We don’t need to fix it or make it better for others. We need to meet them where they’re at, not where we want them to be. Sitting in compassionate understanding is the best gift we can give to someone we love who is in emotional pain and going through a rough time. By allowing another the space to process their emotions in their timing, we’re honoring them. So ask, “How can I best support you right now?” And depending on the circumstances, you can add, “Do you need me to just listen as you vent? Or do you need a cheerleader, a hug, or something else?” Then be willing to act on what they ask, and only what they ask, regardless of whether you think they need more. That is highest expression of holding space for others. Be that love for another.
18 Comments
R. J.
4/3/2024 02:48:03 pm
☺️
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Tina G
4/11/2024 01:13:47 pm
Thank You!
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Liz
4/3/2024 02:49:09 pm
Amen!
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Tina G.
4/11/2024 01:14:27 pm
Thanks Liz!
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Sharon C.
4/3/2024 03:01:10 pm
That is such an important thing to remember and something we need to be reminded of often.
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Tina G.
4/11/2024 01:14:57 pm
You're so welcome! Thank you Sharon!
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Susan
4/3/2024 05:27:03 pm
Thank you for being so kind and generous in your advice.
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Tina G.
4/11/2024 01:15:22 pm
Aww, thank you Susan!!
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Paul
4/4/2024 08:51:41 am
Hi Tina,
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Tina G.
4/11/2024 01:16:17 pm
Lol, totally a guy thing, although women do it too! And thank you!!
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Steph N.
4/4/2024 01:26:41 pm
That was a good one Tina!
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Tina G.
4/11/2024 01:16:42 pm
Aww, thank you so much Steph!!
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Barb N.
4/4/2024 05:50:10 pm
Such good advice, Tina! It can be so tempting (logical?) to want to DO something for someone, based on what we think they need. As you say, it’s best to ask them what they need now, and then give it to them. I’ve even asked my body what it needs now - and received an answer. I followed its request to find that the issue (not serious, but showing up) disappeared!’
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Tina G.
4/11/2024 01:17:28 pm
Brilliant Barb!! Way to go!
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Kathy
4/5/2024 05:18:50 pm
Good stuff, Tina! As usual!
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Tina G.
4/11/2024 01:17:53 pm
Yay! Thank you Kathy!
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Cynthia
4/6/2024 05:31:11 pm
Love this.
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Tina G.
4/11/2024 01:18:30 pm
Thank you Cynthia!!
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